Keep_Your_Eyes_Open's Favorites

capsized*
posted a quote
March 24, 2014 6:08pm UTC

Teacher: "Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"
Me: Someone told me to go to hell
Me: Couldn't find it at first
Me: But now I'm here

👍 this is good · read the comments · 61 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 24, 2014 11:01pm UTC

“Do you have KIK?” — Straight white male for “we will sext for 25 minutes, you’ll receive an unsolicited picture of my d×ck and then I’ll KIK you a hello five days in a row, regardless if you answer or not.”
Nope. Don’t have KIK.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 58 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 7:52pm UTC

why do old people drive slow ?
they barely have any time left like
GOOOOO ur dying

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 47 points

SuperNovaChic
posted a quote
March 23, 2014 2:46pm UTC

“I just lost your book” they said.
“It’s not like it’s a big deal” they said.
“It’s just a book” they said.
“What are you doing with that axe” they said.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 60 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 21, 2014 4:25pm UTC

are there actually people out there who make their beds every morning or is that just a myth

👍 this is good · read the comments · 50 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 20, 2014 12:41am UTC

college should be $25

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 46 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 24, 2014 1:58am UTC

it’s weird how it’s socially acceptable to put someone else’s genitals in your mouth but eating a dorito off the floor after a few seconds is gross what a fückin double standard

👍 this is good · read the comments · 75 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 23, 2014 5:00pm UTC

it’s so cute when you talk to someone a lot and you notice your phrases slowly slipping into their vocabulary

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 71 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 20, 2014 7:10pm UTC

the fact that people think
in different accents really gets to me

👍 this is good · read the comments · 71 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 23, 2014 10:03pm UTC

when someone says “ten years ago” I think about the 90’s not 2004

👍 this is good · read the comments · 69 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
March 20, 2014 6:14pm UTC

Relationships scare me.
It's either going to end in heartbreak or marriage. There is no in between.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 72 points

*blushes*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 10:34am UTC

And
you were just
like the moon,
so lonely, so
full of imper-
fections, but
just like the
moon, you shined
in times of dark-
ness

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 70 points

SuperNovaChic
posted a quote
March 20, 2014 9:56am UTC

"It's impossible" said Pride.
"It's risky" said Experience.
"It's pointless" said Reason.
"Give it a try" whispered the Heart.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 76 points

spence*
posted a quote
March 21, 2014 1:16pm UTC

"hello 911 i’d like to report a murder in th-" "haha, wow you’re a little snitch. hold on a sec. HEY DAVE, CHECK OUT THIS F CKING SNITCH ON LINE THREE"

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 76 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 20, 2014 5:21pm UTC

"you’re too cute to be single!"
then date me

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 84 points

happiest*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 4:49pm UTC

do you ever take a good picture of yourself and use it for everything and then look at it one day and ur like omg this is actually worst picture ever

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 103 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 20, 2014 7:29pm UTC

when something extremely funny
happens i can guarantee you im that one friend who keeps laughing even though everybody stopped 15 minutes ago

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 129 points

happiest*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 4:53pm UTC

I know of a kid who was in a coma for a week and when he woke up the first thing he did was panic because he had homework due and I think that sums up the American school system pretty well

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 207 points

Amenah
posted a quote
March 25, 2014 5:40pm UTC

" If someone handed me a gun, and told me to shoot someone ~
-- told me to shoot you or shoot myself, I wouldn't think twice. You've been hurt enough by people who love you, and I'll stay off that list at all costs.
Well, let me rethink that answer. I wouldn't shoot myself either;; I'd probably end up kicking gun-guy in the balls and running to tell you all about it over a glass of toxin.
Now, that would be a hell of a funny story. "

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 23 points

flyingbacon7
posted a quote
March 25, 2014 4:38pm UTC

Missing people
Is just a terrible feeling
All you do is think about them
And they aren't even there

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 21 points

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Keep_Your_Eyes_Open