*kind of a rant;
more like me wallowing in my own sad thoughts haha
i'm gonna stop wearing the hijab.
because
stuff.
you know what my axshole little sister said? xD "wow, that lasted long."
sorry, kid. some of us actually act on what we care about, even if that changes with time. i'm not giving up anything.
god i fxcking hate that girl, there aren't even words. can't even. speechless. xD i can't believe how fxcking mean she grew up to be.
this entire family assumes i'm giving up. this is a step closer to my faith, actually -- because islam pushes equality, pushes justice and fairness and action on intentions. it pushes doing what you think is the right thing.
i'm a feminist. i've always been a feminist. and i recently decided that i thought that in my personal situation, with my personal beliefs, and my personal attachment to my faith, wearing the headscarf didn't go with those beliefs.
i won't explain myself. i've already given up on my family.
writing that made me cripplingly sad.
i've never cared much for what the others thought, as long as the others were unimportant.
i just... never thought i'd ever start thinking of my family as unimportant. as irrelevant in my decisions. as intentionally misunderstanding.
i wore it for a year. a whole year. only a year.
like... it's not different though. when i started wearing it, i considered it the best course of action. it was exactly what i wanted to do. and now, i still believe in every reason behind and still live by them. it's taught me a lot, though -- about how the modesty -- integrity -- that islam talks about isn't really in your looks. it's in your actions, and the way you carry yourself. it's in your mind. it's your soul. it's not your hair.
incidentally, i'm still not wearing shorts or short sleeves and whatever. haha. wow i hate thinking about this whole topic.
i can't stand my little sister. she's basically the embodiment of everything i hate about people.
and now, every time i think about this decision -- this happy, good, right decision for me -- i'm gonna think of her.
fxcking bxtch.
wow.
wow.
i want to cry. thanks, sis. xD
wow.
and i'm so fxcking happy for myself because even though litereally nobody else is gonna congratulate me, i'll do it now. here. to myself.
well done, amenah. well done for doing what you think makes you happy. well done for doing what you think is right. well done. you did okay. even if everyone else says different, you did okay.
and i guess that'll have to be enough.
Amenah
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