Title: I'm Not Black. . . When people see me they see black. When people meet me They hear white. What's up with that? I'll tell you what: The color of my skin The pigment in my tone The melanin I'm in Is black. The way I talk The way I act The way I walk And my character someone how Is white. People say, People have the nerve to say to my face "you're not black." And what do I say back? I laugh and say, "you're right, I'm white Because I speak clearly, don't act hood and ain't out here callin' people my n*ggas." But what does that matter? Why is black an adjective of my lack of character? Why is white a adjective of my total character? It's freckin’ annoying. It's ignorant. And I'm more than that.
"It's okay. You'll be alright." "..." "A number doesn't define you. A test score doesn't define you. You're greater than that." "Tell that to the people who decided that cramming 70+ questions on a sheet of paper and saying I should know and answer everything in 10 minutes is a good plan to judge if I'm a good and knowledgeable person. Tell that to the people who pay thousands upon thousands to get into college. Tell that to the people who stay up for hours and hours trying to pass an exam they'll forget about the next week. Tell that to the people who are pure geniuses and have the privilege to go anywhere and do anything. Tell that to the business bosses who won't even glance my way unless I have a bachelors degree. Tell those people that a number doesn't define me. They won't listen. They'll look at my skin and look at my gender and look at the number that has graded me for 12+ years and say ' I'm sorry. You aren't qualified. ' That simply isn't how the world works and I simply don't fit in."
Yes, I have fun with them and tolerate them. I don’t necessarily like them or dislike them; but I feel like I don’t belong with them. You can be happy in a place you don’t belong, you can be welcomed into a place you don’t belong. But that feeling of belongingness isn’t a sense everyone has. And for those that do have it, it’s like a gut feeling. There’s no literal or physical or verbal signs all the time. It’s just there; the feeling. It’s very uneasy. So I avoid them. But by doing so miss the ones I truly want.
I don't want to give you my burdens, but I'm willing and asking you to give me yours. I don't want you to fret over my failures, but I'll help you through yours. I don't want you to cry about my sorrows, but I will cry with you and offer a shoulder to cry on for yours.
[ untitled ] I don’t want to sleep because I don’t want to get up and face another day of hell. I don’t want to dream of fairytales because I don’t want to wake up and think I’ve failed myself. my friends. my parents. At the end of the day I always say “just a little bit longer okay? okay.” Then I do fall asleep and wake up again thinking about the stress I’ll have to face and and how to amend the errors I’ve made. All of them. Some may say "that’s so pessimistic." But when my world is spinning, it’s hard to be optimistic. When I hear awful news one after another and everything goes wrong and I hear another is having some troubles and I want to help and do everything I can But man, I just can’t. And I don’t know what to do. For myself or for you.
If you saw me sitting in a corner all alone, would you check and see if I was okay?If I was shaking and crying, would you comfort me?If you hadn't heard from me in a long time, would you check up on me?