Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres Corinthians 13:4-8
You’re voice is full of toxins that spill into words, words that make me naive because of the chemicals they expose when you open your mouth, They cause me to need you, to trust you, to love you. It’s a drug, one that I can’t stop inhaling.
If this is love, why are you never there for me? If this is love, why do you lie to me? If this is love, why do you cheat on me? If this is love, why do you hurt me? If this is love, why do you constantly have to reassure me? If this is love, why don't you show it? If this was love, it wouldn't feel like it does.
I know that in some ways, I've disappointed you. And that's why I can't ask you for help anymore. You always made me feel stupid, you always made me think I could've done better. You always told me not to cry, you said it isn't pretty. I know that you're disappointed in me, because I wanted to know who my mother was. But just know that, I'm disappointed in you, too For keeping me from finding out.
I miss your voice in the midst of the night. I miss your hand in mine. I miss loopy late night giggles. I miss skin to skin contact just not being close enough for us. I miss relief from the nightmares with you by my side. I guess I miss you the most at night.
I miss your fingertips running through my hair in the middle of the night. I miss you waking up because I can't sleep, to pull me in close. I miss when you noticed all the little things. I miss midnight conversations, and playing around on the floor. I miss your voice and the comfort it brings me when you say "it's going to be alright"
Hey, if you're reading this I miss you much. I wish you were here right now to tell me that stupid boy isn't worth my tears. I wish you were here to hold me close and make stupid jokes about how you're gonna shoot him when you see him again. I wish you were here right now to comfort me and take me to McDonald's and get me that big dumb junky order of fries, a milkshake, and a double cheeseburger, and then make fun of me for dipping the fries in the milkshake. I wish you were here right now to walk 4 miles in the middle of the night Pokémon hunting with me. I wish you were here right now to tell me you don't even notice that dumb pimple. I wish you were here right now to check up on me every couple of minutes, because I use to get so annoyed. I wish you were with me giving me advice on what the hell I should do right now. I took you for granted, and I miss you much.