JordanWitty's Favorites

yourcool
posted a quote
September 21, 2012 5:43pm UTC

No matter how good you are at something
there will always be an 8 year old Asian kid that is better.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 577 points

yourcool
posted a quote
September 21, 2012 5:45pm UTC

Today I don't feel like doing anything.
Except you. I'd do you.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 462 points

foreverxyoung14
posted a quote
June 25, 2012 6:11pm UTC

I tell you, when I actually die, some people are gonna get seriously haunted.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 947 points

Bravosierra*
posted a quote
June 25, 2012 4:37pm UTC

"Do you have a bathroom?"
"No, sorry. I poop outside."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 689 points

bailie008
posted a quote
June 21, 2012 5:42pm UTC

Guy: If you didn't have legs, would you wear shoes?
Girl: I guess not.
Guy: Then why do you wear a bra?
Girl:
Guy:
Girl:
Guy:
Girl: Why do you wear pants?
-Klee12 & bailie008-

👍 this is good · read the comments · 439 points

BEACHYLOVE
posted a quote
June 25, 2012 8:55pm UTC

Friends: I have a 4.0 GPA.
Friends: My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 2 year anniversary.
Friends: I'm going to spend the summer in Europe.
Friends: I got a new BMW.
Friends: My dad just bought me a magic unicorn and my face is
going to be on the cover of a magazine
Me: Sometimes I get top quotes.....

👍 this is good · read the comments · 226 points

cheetah678
posted a quote
June 17, 2012 5:26pm UTC

Girl: Happy fathers day.
Boy: But im not- wait what....
Girl:
Boy:
Girl:
Boy: Sh*t...

👍 this is good · read the comments · 735 points

yourcool
posted a quote
May 27, 2012 8:48pm UTC

When people yawn,
do deaf people think they're screaming?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 947 points

littleleftofthemiddle
posted a quote
May 27, 2012 5:18pm UTC

Whenever i feel the
need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
-nmqnmf

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 460 points

ILoveStarWars
posted a quote
May 27, 2012 3:27pm UTC

Birth marks
are where you were killed in another life
~mind blown
comment where it is

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1195 points

Chloeeee
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 9:10am UTC

If somebody shouts out 'YOLO' one more time
im gonna pull out my shotgun to their head and say 'Sadly'

👍 this is good · read the comments · 391 points

NeverForgetYourBeauty
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 1:04pm UTC

Me: *walking in the garage*
Bike: *falls*
Me:
Bike:
Me:
Bike:
Me:
Bike:
Me: It must have passed out because of my extreme sexiness.
Bike:
Me: yeah, that makes sense.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 793 points

伤*
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 11:33am UTC

*When i'm late for school*
Teacher: You're a little late
Me: I'm already torn
Teacher: What? shut the door
Me: Turn the lights off
Teacher: Stop it
Me: I'll never stop, you know i'll take you to another world
Teacher: Get out!
Teacher: get out! get out! get out of my head
Teacher: ....
(OneDirection)

👍 this is good · read the comments · 832 points

JustDropItLikeItsHot
posted a quote
May 20, 2012 10:25am UTC

Starbucks guy: Name?.
Me: Primrose Everdeen.
Starbucks guy: *prepares order* Primrose Everdeen!
Me: I VOLUNTEER!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 646 points

yourcool
posted a quote
May 12, 2012 8:20pm UTC

Oh, I'm a few minutes late to class?
Please, stare at me like I just killed five people.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1641 points

thecookie1997
posted a quote
April 27, 2012 3:11pm UTC

Johnny and Marrissa, sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love, then comes marriage,
Then comes the abrupt, tragic miscarriage.
Johnny leaves Marissa, and takes the tree.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 557 points