My heart didn’t break because we broke up. I understood why. If I was him I would have done the same thing. I just can't accept it.
What broke my heart was how quickly I went from his “everything” to nothing. The fact that the only person who cared about me, just stopped. The person who didn’t want me even walking too close to the road, no longer gave a sh*t. No longer cared that I was hurting, what happened to me, or that I was even alive. What broke my heart was how easily i was forgotten. It proved that i was just as irrelevant and unimportant as I always knew I was. What broke my heart was how easy it was for him to remove me from his life without hesitation or second thought. Like I was just a bad photo being deleted from the camera roll of his ipod. Not just how easily i was removed, but how happily he got on with his life like I was never in it. Like I never made a difference. Like we never shared anything that he once thought was special. Like I was never the girl he wanted to spend forever with.
What broke my heart most though, was that he was the one good thing in my life. Our relationship, having him as a boyfriend and the future we planned together, gave me such hope of better things. Hope that life can get better for me, that maybe things won’t always be bad. I started to believe in things again. Believe in him, believe in our love, believe in life and even… Myself. I saw a light, a way out of my darkness. His presence in my life made everything better, i was no longer this invisible, sad excuse for a girl who fell too deep in her depression to do anything with her life. I could actually look in the mirror without feeling pathetic. For the first time in my life i could say to myself “someone actually loves me”. I started to believe, i started to hope, i started to have faith and all of it.. But then everything.. Shattered. It's Broken, just like before and i’m just left standing in the debris of my broken dreams. Confused, shocked and lost. Which piece goes where? How does it go back together? Will it ever go back together? For now... I'm not sure
JJ12
