Witty Profiles

JG101

1. JG101
   posted a quote
   August 16, 2012 8:26pm UTC
   *Shrek 1st*
   *On their way back to Duloc*
   Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner!
   Fiona: I"ll get the firewood.
   Donkey: Hey, where are you going?!
   Donkey: Oh man, I can't feel my toes.
   *looks at hooves*
   Donkey: I don't have any toes!!
   Donkey: I think I need a hug.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
2. JG101
   posted a quote
   July 18, 2012 11:57pm UTC
   Hair dresser: Okay don't move.
   Me: *Stays still*
   Hair Dresser: *sprays my face*
   Me: *dying, drowning, etc.
   Hair Dresser: You moved!
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
3. JG101
   posted a quote
   July 3, 2012 3:43pm UTC
   Before you hit the highway, you'd better stop for gas
   There's a fifty in the ash tray, in case you run short on cash.
   Here's a map, and here's a bible, if you ever lose your way
   Just one more thing before you leave:
   Don't forget to remember me.
   Don't Forget To Remember Me - Carrie Underwood
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 4 points
4. JG101
   posted a quote
   May 22, 2012 4:54pm UTC
   I find these phobia's weird:
   Agryophobia:Fear of crossing the street.
   Alektorophobia: Fear of chickens
   Bibliophobia: Fear of books.
   Peladophobia: Fear of bald people.
   Zemmiphobia: Fear of the great mole rat
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
5. JG101
   posted a quote
   May 22, 2012 3:33pm UTC
   *watching Finding Nemo* (part where Coral and Marlin are attacked)
   Sister: Oh my gosh! It's a catfish!
   Me: Um... that's a barracuda.
   Sister: Are you sure?
   Me: We have been watching this for 5 years and have been to the Aquarium 40+ times. I think I know what I'm talking about.
   Sister: Oh.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
6. JG101
   posted a quote
   May 19, 2012 4:57pm UTC
   Girl: We'll always be together!
   Guy: Yes, I love you.
   Girl: I love you too!
   Hug
   Girl: *whisper* Forgive me Hershey Chocolate bar!
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
7. JG101
   posted a quote
   May 19, 2012 1:30am UTC
   Bugs Bunny: Hey Daffy! do you wanna go bowling on Thursday?
   Daffy Duck: Hmm. I don't think I can make it. How about Friday? See you Saturday!
   Bugs Bunny: ...
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
8. JG101
   posted a quote
   May 17, 2012 6:36pm UTC
   Guy: If girls are so much better than us guys, then why did God make man first?
   Girl: Because you guys were the rough draft.
   Guys: ...
   Use in converstions where the topic is based on immaturity of guys.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 12 points
9. JG101
   posted a quote
   May 16, 2012 9:30pm UTC
   Guy: Hello. I'd like to order a chocolate and vanilla birthday cake.
   PTO(Person Taking Order): Okay.
   Guy: Oh, but I am gluten and tolerant, so no doughy part, ok?
   PTO: Okay.
   Guy: And my cat is allergic to vanilla. No vanilla, please!
   PTO: ...
   Guy: Oh, my dog doesn't like chocolate, no chocolate please.
   PTO: Let me guess, the cat and dog are twins.
   Guy: No, triplets! I got a mousy too!
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
10. JG101
    posted a quote
    May 16, 2012 8:39pm UTC
    *On the phone*
    Girl: Hello. I'd like to order a pepperoni pizza.
    PTO(Person Taking Order): Alright, one pepperoni pizza coming up.
    Girl: Oh, but um, I'm lactose and tolerant, so no cheese please.
    PTO: Okay.
    Girl: And um, pepperoni makes me gassy, so no pepperoni.
    PTO: Okay?
    Girl: And tomato sauce don't agree with me, no tomato sauce.
    PTO: So just dough then?
    Girl: No, I'm allergic to bread products. So what's my total?
    PTO: A cardboard box?
    Girl: Ooh, I'm cardboard and tolerant!
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
11. JG101
    posted a quote
    May 16, 2012 12:01pm UTC
    The moment when you take a shower and randomly say, "I'm drowning!"
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
12. JG101
    posted a quote
    May 12, 2012 7:57pm UTC
    Girl: Hey, are you crying?
    Boy: No... I'm sweating through my eyes!
    Girl: ... Okay then.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
13. JG101
    posted a quote
    May 9, 2012 9:41pm UTC
    Friend: Hey, have you seen my phone?
    Me: Yes, I have. IN MY MIND!
    Friend: ...
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
14. JG101
    posted a quote
    May 8, 2012 10:20pm UTC
    Help save Earth! It's the only planet with chocolate!
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
15. JG101
    posted a quote
    May 8, 2012 9:35pm UTC
    Girls are just like apples on a tree. The best ones are at the top. But the boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. So instead, they get the rotten apples that aren't as good, but easy to reach. So the ones on the top think that something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
16. JG101
    posted a quote
    May 8, 2012 8:22pm UTC
    Being single doesn't mean no one wants you,
    it means God is busy writing your love story!
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points

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