26 Dec 2011 08:41pm
18 Sep 2014 06:08pm
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I wish for a day where the only thing people dislike about me is that I'm not with them brightening their day.
I don't really talk about this much, and we are a witty 'Family' and we need to start acting like it. So here it goes. I will tell you about myself.
I am 15, my name is Emma, and I am battling with depression and anxiety. It is a serious issue. My parents hate me for it. I am on Zoloft for it, but its so hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have missed school before I just couldn't get out of bed. The scars on my wrists, stomach, ankles, bottoms of my feet, and my thighs, are just things about me. If they could talk they would be able to tell you my life story. It really bothers me when people fake depression forattention, or they are completely fine but just feel ignored. I try and cover my scars, I hide them, most people don't know about them because it really is my coping mechanism, nota cry for attention. My dad loves me, theres no doubt about it, but he gets so mad at me. He doesn't understand it. All he can think about is that I'm young, I'm a model, I play competetive tennis and basketball, and we aren't struggling for money. Honestly, I wonder if he forgets that when I was 11 my best friend, Mikey, died from Mitral Valve Prolapse, or that when I was 12, my best friend Alexis died from Osteosarcoma, or that sometimes I get thrown around, or that last year I was beaten up in my foods class by 3 people because of my religion (that wasn't the only time its happened), or that I am constantly bullied because I'm tall, or because I'm a Baha'i not a Christian, does he forget that I am only 15 and he throws so much at me that I can't handle? Does he know that in the course of summer 2012, I've lost 2 of my best friends which caused them to talk to others and get them against me, too? Does he know that moving, finally getting settled, and then switching schools is hard to handle. Does he know that his verbal abuse just adds to my struggles everyday. I love him, but I just wish he could understand.
It may sound strange but I am that girl, I am that girl that no matter her struggles she wont let anyone see it, and if someone else is upset she will make them laugh and be happy, secretly wishing someone would do that for her.
I love you all. When I finally do end life so my dad can go on with life and not worry about his daughter, so that no one will be bothered by me not being a Christian, so that no one will have to deal with me or my baggage, remember that my heart will belong to God and that you are loved, even if I was not.