(This is something I wrote today. I'm not sure why. I'm not really in this dark of a place at the moment. But I thought here would be a good place to share it...)
During the daytime: I'm trying to keep my head above water, but it's so hard to stay afloat when this anchor is tied to my neck and I can't breathe. I struggle and fight through my sleepless nights, looking - hoping - for a sign that this might ever end. Am I this close to the light because I've been guaranteed freedom, or is it just going to taunt me until I drown? I'm so close to the light, yet the rope around my neck draws tighter as the anchor seems to get heavier. As evening starts: Or am I the one making it tighter? Am I the one making my burden heavier? Am I letting my mind loose as if my thoughts are sheep being attacked by wolves? Or is my mind slowly being taken over by darkness? Going to bed: My questions are still unanswered. I'm overthinking. HELP. Night: I used to despise the light, but now that all I can see is darkness, I'm longing for just a glimpse of light. But then through the darkness, a voice screams my name, warning me of the storm that is to come. I've lost most of my strength in this losing battle, trying to get even a tiny breath of air. I'm suffocating and shaking from fear and lack of oxygen. Lightning flashes, and the thunder cracks over my head. I got my glimpse of light which then revealed a shark racing towards me. The rope that attached me to the anchor had started to cut through my neck. There was surely no hope now. I had thought my lungs were strong, but they proved me wrong. They are starting to burst. How much longer can I fight? The shark doesn't go for my neck, but for everywhere else that wouldn't kill me. It shreds me up everywhere it can, while still keeping me alive. The last tear I remember was a shooting, throbbing, stabbing pain in my leg. I finally let out a shout. Water floods into my mouth. Or is it blood? I don't know; everything I taste tastes like death. The shark makes a last dive at me, but this time from the underside. The shark doesn't see the anchor. The anchor kills my enemy. Lightning still crashes overhead, and I see more sharks coming. But this time I realize, there is no rope around my neck. It's around my ankle. It's around the leg that the shark barely touched. My other leg is busted, and I feel I want to surrender. Which way is up? I've lost my sense of direction. I'm losing what little wit I had left. The sharks are getting closer with every passing second. I feel I may pass out and never wake up. The pain in my whole being throbs; I just want to be done. Done with fighting, done with trying, done with living. The blood I swallowed earlier forces me to vomit stomach acid. The acid seemingly sends away the sharks. I pray they stay away, not even 100% sure God is listening at all. Now my throat feels like it's been stabbed and sliced as well. I figured if it was that painful, it might as well have burned through the rope. I check my ankle. I check my throat. I can't see anymore; the pain is too great, and it helps to close my eyes and grit my teeth. But I feel like the anchor is gone. I can sense a tiny light through my squinted eyes, so I head towards it with all the little strength I can muster. I reach the light and gasp for breath. A wave crashes over me, hurling water into my lungs. It takes me to shore. I'm not sure if I'm dead or alive. Conclusion: What happened to make "life" like this?