Witty Profiles

I_less_than_3_you

1. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 15, 2009 2:25pm UTC
   Today, after the morning news was over, Veggie Tales
   came on. I was in the kitchen cutting up a variety of
   fruits and vegetables at the same time. I felt obligated
   to change the channel so the fruits and vegetables
   I was mutilating wouldn't see what a better life
   they could be having.
   MLIA.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
2. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 15, 2009 9:40am UTC
   Today, I looked my house up on Google Earth.
   It thinks my house is about 300 yards away
   from where it actually is. I feel better knowing
   that if someone ever tried to use Google Earth
   coordinates to shoot a missile at my house,
   they would miss. *
   MLIA.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
3. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 15, 2009 9:30am UTC
   Today, I was eating with a friend. Messing around, I pointed my fork at him and
   shouted, "Avada Kadavra!" He told me he didn't understand Spanish. I don't think I want
   to be his friend anymore.
   MLIA.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
4. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 15, 2009 9:27am UTC
   Today, I went to the movies to see 'The Goods'.
   The cashier asked, "What would you like to see?"
   I replied, "'The Goods', please". We both
   s t a r e d a t e a c h o t h e r a w k w a r d l y .
   He looked as if he felt violated.
   MLIA.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 19 points
5. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 13, 2009 1:47pm UTC
   Today, while studying in the
   middle of the night, my dad
   came home drunk. I helped
   him to the sofa and after
   clearing up his mess, he
   started going on about how
   useless my sister Vanessa was,
   and how good a daughter I am.
   I am Vanessa.
   FML.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
6. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 13, 2009 1:37pm UTC
   Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a
   noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun,
   I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out
   "YAY, I caught a whale!"
   FML.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
7. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 13, 2009 11:52am UTC
   Today, I drank a Red Bull. An hour later,
   my back started inexplicably hurting.
   I'm obviously growing wings.
   MLIA.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
8. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 13, 2009 11:04am UTC
   * Chuck Norris
   doesn't mow his lawn. He simply
   stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 8 points
9. I_less_than_3_you
   posted a quote
   August 12, 2009 7:29pm UTC
   Everyone is beautiful on the inside.
   If you think bones and guts are beautiful. *
   -Happy Bunny.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
10. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 12, 2009 4:40pm UTC
    Today, I saw a rabbi buying a hot dog at a kosher meat
    stand. I asked if I could take a picture with him,
    and he said yes. While the picture was taken, he did
    devil horns and stuck out his tongue. Needless to say,
    I am framing that picture. *
    MLIA.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
11. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 12, 2009 11:14am UTC
    Today, I drank out of one of my little
    brother's straws that changes colors
    every time you take a sip. Not only was I
    amused all day, but now I know I'm probably
    hydrated for the rest of my life.
    MLIA.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 153 points
12. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 12, 2009 11:11am UTC
    click to see this quote
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 40 points
13. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2009 11:10pm UTC
    * C l u b s o d a ,
    Not seals.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
14. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2009 10:19pm UTC
    Today, I was driving and I noticed a Geico billboard
    that had been changed. Someone crossed out "So easy
    a caveman can do it" and spray painted "So easy a
    MUGGLE can do it." I want to find the person responsible
    a n d m a r r y t h e m . *
    MLIA.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
15. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2009 10:18pm UTC
    Today, my mom is making me hang out with a family friend
    when I don't want to. She's rewarding me with money later.
    I feel like a friendship hooker.
    MLIA.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
16. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2009 9:45pm UTC
    Today, I was driving at night with the windows down. At a stop
    sign, I sneezed. I then heard someone say bless you. I was afraid
    a ninja was in my car. *
    MLIA.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
17. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2009 9:41pm UTC
    Today, I decided to play connect the dots with the
    mosquito bites on my arm. I made the batman logo.
    This was easily the greatest accomplishment
    of my summer vacation. *
    MLIA.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 16 points
18. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2009 9:33pm UTC
    * Today, I looked at Area 51 with Google Earth. I felt like I had
    tricked the government.
    MLIA.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
19. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2009 9:27pm UTC
    click to see this quote
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
20. I_less_than_3_you
    posted a quote
    August 5, 2009 11:55am UTC
    Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot
    so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came
    back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate
    I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls."
    His response: "We don't". *
    FML.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 197 points

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2024 Witty Profiles