Howdy, so this is my other account... A lot of you guys know me but when I need to vent about cutting I can't do it on my other account cuz one of my BEST friends knows it... but I just don't want to tell her abt the cuts... I started cutting in March... during spring break... I don't do it hard... and there is hardly any blood yet it does sting which helps me think abt the stinging instead of some other things that haunt me... I cut with a paper cutter that you find on one of those sliding kind... I never said that I wanted too... Just one day I took off the sliding thing and I was looking at it and then the idea just popped into my head... I was REALLY mad at my family that day... I feel like a failure to my family... and I believe that I am an asham to the world... My mom once said to me "How am I suppose to trust you now... I use to boast abt you... I use to say how I can trust you and you won't lie to me... You were my best friend!"... She told me that in 2nd grade... And it still fukin haunts me!!! I cry every night thinking that I ashamed my family... She said that after I lied to them about just one simple lie abt if I used the phone to call someone... I can't stand to be yelled at... If I am I BURST into tears like a waterfall!... And I can't stand to use the phone anymore... If Im on it I try to get off ... But it REALLY STUPID anyways... Don't get me wrong I got the kind of parents that are WAY too protective... But still they are parents that are a pain in the you know where... I use to be bullied by a friend for abt 6 months but that stopped... Now she is nice to me and we get along kinda weird IKR!... People make me feel different and EVERYONE points out my flaws which I already know!... Even some of my closer friends... Im just getting mad just say that....I AM ALWAYS TENSE/ MAD AT THE WORLD!!!... I GAVE UP a long time ago!!!... I like to wear black shirts just to make a point to the world that Im not who you think I am... but no one picks up... I do a good job hiding it if I say so myself... I use to be REALLY strong in my faith but lately I been losing my faith in everything! I have thought of suicide and I know how I would do it too... I have two friends who I told that I am cutting but they don't seem to care and don't bother asking if I'm done or not... You see, since July I been done but I have slipped up in purpose.... Idon't want to stop... I'm just stopping for my friends and sister... I don't do it hard at all... I don't see why it isn't good besides the fact that one day all I wanted was MORE!!!... I think I might be bipolar which means that I am happy one sec but crying and cutting the next...
I am really nice and friendly and like to help people - just ask anyone... so if you need to Vent TALK TO ME!!!Yes, I got probs too but that might just help me understand you better!!! Just fyi - I am VERY random and I talk fast... ummm got questions just ask and I can't spell great so sorry if any of the words are spelled wrong... Thanks
This is a drawing that I did... Every word/ pic means something... the words are the words that go thru my head every fukin' day!... This "drawing" is my thoughts, my soul, my life... Everything on there has a story... Everything on there connects to another picture... It is EVERYTHING to me!
SUICIDE: Should not exist. but what is a quote going to do? its going to do a lot. I want a petition to go around of witty and i want you to repost this quote with your name signed. after i get all of these names i am going to make a youtube video of all the witty profile names that took out a few minutes to read and repost this quote. lets show these people how much we care and someday we can put a end to this! staystrong signatures: daddygirl99. notyouraverageb*tch Smileyz316 xpeacexbluex SexiPurpleZebra conklineli5280 kaerottina Eatmypants quotinglikeaboss xoStayBeautifulxo Meganbbz AnaisHeartsYou Marie1388 ImNotAlone SecretGurl123 bananaman ProudToBeGeeky KateehKracklady of the night eternalsunshinex BooILoveSkittles JustinBieber4ever screwsociety Green1098 brancsy Jahyvie EjSweet2♥ imkrazydealwithit lady_red beautifullybrokeninside lynskywalker ♥ BestfriendsForever3 mor5GANlovesmuffins missmeltdown♥ breedancerchick101 Forgetmenot924 Reeses_21 mysexynameislogan oreogurllawlz hopeless_romantic444 MaddyWaddy ♥Stay strong behindthissmilexx Peekabooismynamex SnowPrincess xXsilentXx ridingonagreenrocketship xxUntoldXXSecretsxx sushirox1158 willowxoxo Bubbleboo Katergatertatertot HidingInMySmile (I wasn't ready to sign it but now I AM)
HONESTY HOUR! Have you ever 1) Self harmed? Yeah 2) Got into a real fight? Kinda maybe not sure 3) Been too depressed to move out of your bed? no.... 4) Tried to commit suicide? Close 5) Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt? Umm I think a few times 6) Watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting? Lol......no :P 7) Talked yourself out of serious trouble? Yes? 8) Accused someone of using you? In my head... 10) Gotten drunk/high? NO O_O 11) Been to a concert where your favourite artist was playing? Nope... Don't really have any in mind 12) Skipped doing homework to play a video game? Not video games but have skipped hehe (Right now) Are you 13) Suicidal? no 14) Bored? HELL YEAH!! 15) Avoiding someone? Kinda 16) Avoiding some task? OMG DA!!! 17) Depressed? Yeah :/ 18) Crying? no 19) Annoyed with a friend? Kinda 20) Worried and confused about something important to you? YES!!! Do you 21) Get depressed easily? Yes 22) Get jealous/envious easily? Yes 23) Feel listening to music can take your mind off things? For most part 24) Worry about messing up your relationship a lot?Don't have a date :P 25) Try hard in all your classes at school? yes most hehe 26) Go out drinking? never! 27) Smoke cigarettes? No kinda want to when older 28) Smoke weed? NO 29) Do any hard drugs? No... 30) If you said yes to 28 but no to 29, Why? I didn't 31) Believe in God/Belong to a religion of your own free will? God! 32) Avoid people you care about because you feel you will only hurt them? YES YES YES YES YES!!!! 33) Agree that self harm numbs emotional pain? YES 34) Believe people deserve second chances? Yep! Second ones! 35) Agree with ‘An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’? No 36) Think things will get better? Idk... 37) Feel afraid that you have done wrong and will eventually be punished? Kinda
My story from last year Part 3/3 Last day of school, I was in the hallway with Hannah. I told and showed her my cuts. I will never forget her face or the way she said, “Show me your hands.” The way her eyes widen - the way her voice stricken. I swear everything froze and the background blurred just for a second. That day is so clear to me. After I told her. She stood there in shock and didn’t know what to say, I guess. She just left me standing there. I started roaming through the halls. People were passing me, yet, I didn’t notice. I was almost like in a daze of fear and regret. Later, I told Hannah that I’m stopping. But honestly, I only told her that because I didn’t want her to tell anyone. I didn’t want her to worry. I actually wasn’t sure if I was stopping yet or not. I never really felt guilty about the cuts but I felt more like the cuts weren’t worthy of me or my pain. Like, I need to just pick herself up and stop complaining! I never considered myself as a cutter and honestly I hate saying the word. On Father’s Day, my sister found out by mistake. This past year, I have never been so far apart from my sister. I think I didn’t tell her about the cuts originally, because I didn’t want her to worry about her older sister. I should worry and watch out for her - not the other way around! None of my family members except my sister knows about my freshman year. Once in June, I was having a breakdown again. This one was different. I needed to cut! But, I finally got sick of the blade I been using. I needed something sharper. Something that can make me bleed and feel the pain! I was looking around my bedroom for anything that was sharper. I was desperate. I was trying anything but nothing gave me the satisfaction that I wanted. I was scaring myself. I didn’t recognize myself. The only blade I have doesn’t work enough. If I had one that did, how would I be able to hide those kind of scars without long sleeves? So, I figured to just stop. Later in July, I did find a blade that makes me bleed, but I don't use it much. I don't cut really, but some days you just need too! I was cutting because mostly the thought of losing my friends and being alone. It's hard seeing pictures of them smiling together at events that they invited each other to. They don't even think about inviting me. I use to wonder why cutting (not deep) was bad. I guess because eventually you will just want more. I refused to believe it would happen to me, though. Once you get something you will always want more. It’s just part of human nature. I was starting to see that. I don’t think of it as cutting but more as stress relieving. I’m still trying to wrap my head around freshman year. I want to say that it’s all better. But once something is history you can’t go back and erase it. So that means the voices won’t ever shut up. They are still as loud as they were before. I just need to learn to cope with it. I am still afraid of losing the only friends I have like how I lost my old ones but there is a reason for everything... Right?
My Story from Last Year Part 2/4 One day, I was sitting on the bench and she was on the other side by me. She would not stop poking me. And these pokes were more like stabs with her finger. I first asked her to stop, but she didn't. I told her that she was lucky that I strongly believe that physical fighting is never the answer. She just looked at me with an attitude and said, “Am I? Am I really?” It wasn’t the words that finally got me; it was the attitude. I yelled at her saying, "Yes, you are! You know what, I had it!" People started looking at me. I didn’t care. I walked over and sat on the other side of the bench. Hannah just arrived to school. Everything just burst out. With my approval, Hannah told the counselor that she needed to see me. I saw her only three times. New week, the same thing happened but the difference this time was that Hannah and a friend were there. They would try to stop it by putting themselves between me and her. I didn’t want them to protect me because I’m too weak, too wimpy, too nice to protect myself so I walked away. Later that day, two of my friends were talking about it and a teacher overheard. That was when she was reported. She and I are friends like how we were in the beginning of the school year. It's like nothing happened. But to me, I lost self confidence and self respect. A ton of breakdowns followed after that. It was March in the week of spring break. I was putting my sliding paper cutter away. I was curious how sharp the cutter’s blade was. I tested it on my wrist where my watch laid so the one single cut would be hidden. Totally innocent - just experimenting. Later in the week, I guess I was just tense about everything and the voices wouldn’t shut up. I was curious - wondering why people do it, wondering if it actually helped, wondering what it would feel like. I went in my closet and pulled it out. I only did it two or three times. I didn’t bleed cause the blade is way too small. I felt nothing. I put it back. School started up again. My friends were all starting to get tense because the school year was ending and a lot of drama was starting between each other. I kinda feel like I started the whole mess. That it was my fault. Everyone was hoping for the year to end soon. But I was dreading it! I knew once summer hit people will forget about me. They will live a summer without me but with everyone else. I already saw it happening. I started cutting again. Eventually, I started hanging less and less with people. I made a hide away. It was somewhere where I could have breakdowns. I started ignoring people because I didn’t want to face the agony of missing them in the summer and knowing that they won’t invite me anywhere. I started wondering why I was cutting because I get no result from the cuts - no blood no pain. Then I found a reason why. The next day the cuts would sting a little and itch like a paper cut. That help me keep my mind from wandering to thoughts I didn’t want to think about. It proved to me that I’m not so innocent! Cutting was proving that I can be mean and that I can be tough.
My story of last year! Part 1/4 Hey! I'm Claire. I'm 15 and will be a sophomore in high school. I live in the bottom of Ohio but go to a high school in Kentucky. I use to be homeschooled meaning that my only classmate was my sister who is a grade younger than me. I wanted to go to a ‘normal’ school because I wanted to know the feeling of a class room and having friends. I have triplet brothers who are 5 years older than me. My one brother has CP (cerebral palsy) and can't speak. I lived in an environment where there was no swearing, no media because it wasn’t always the safest for kids, help taking care of my older brother, loving family, and growing strong in my faith. My younger years were spent moving from friends to friends. I learned that there is no such thing as real friends. Friends who will stick with you and someone you actually like. All you need is yourself in life. One day, you will die on your own so why need friends? I have become shy around people and just started ignoring that there was a world outside of my home. If I ever did meet someone, I would just keep in mind that it won’t last and it meant nothing. I would leave people before I was left. I had a hard time taking people seriously. I started the school year with a promise that I will actually try harder and make friends and apart of a group. By November, I made plenty of friends. We would all gather in the front entrance by the benches and it was like our spot to meet each other. However, a girl who I met before anyone else started pinching me in the waist. We were all doing it to each other for fun. Except, the difference was I don’t think she was doing it in a friendly matter - maybe I was paranoid I don’t know. I could never get her back while she got me all the time. Every once in awhile, when I did, other people noticed. Once, they were defending her while she was the one who started it all. Sitting behind me, she would also kick me in the back. Luckily, Catholicism was my only class with her. By December, though, she started fighting with me on random things. I am known for being innocent, someone who couldn't hurt anyone, and a girl who knows nothing because she “lived in a ‘box’” meaning my whole life I lived outside of the world of reality. I would ask stupid questions or not understand something, because I lived in a ‘clean’ home. People would tell me how it was strange that I didn’t know about this and that. I once saw someone gossipping about it and they knew I was there too. My friends would say things that made it sound like a huge deal and then go on telling other friends about it with gasps every so often making me sound like a kid. They think I’m so innocent! I always wanted to prove them all wrong! There, at high school, I was updated fast - learned most of the swear words, the kind of music these days, and etc. January after Christmas break everything changed. The girl started physically fighting me. She would slap me, try to push me off my seat, and flick my hair. Everyone were friends with her. She looked so harmless. I wasn’t her first ‘victim’. She has hit plenty other of her friends. She was known for hitting when she was stressed or tense. People would just brush it off saying that its nothing and that she does it to everyone. But, I think she did it mostly to me. I eventually convinced myself that I should just stop complaining. It’s not just me. Others are dealing with it - why can’t I?
Can you please read these poems on wattpad and let me know what youthink... either thru witty or thru your wattpad account!! THANKS MEANS A LOT!!! I will follow those who say they will in comments and do comment on most of those poems!!! http://www.wattpad.com/6180811-the-unnoticed-goth The Unnoticed Goth Death ~ Happens to All of Us Final Moment Where? Ugly Duckling I'm D@mn Sorry!!!
Can you please read these poems on wattpad and let me know what you think... either thru witty or thru your wattpad account!! THANKS MEANS A LOT!!! I will follow those who say they will in comments and do comment on most of those poems!!! http://www.wattpad.com/5443658-the-secrets-behind-the-silence The Secrets Behind the Silence The Unseen Pain The Girl on the Othe Side of the Mirror Under That Mask Patience in All The Hauntings! What's the point The Most Frightening Place A TRUE Friend Am I all three? GUILT
...The Misunderstood Coin... Chap 11 Part 1 “Alright, so tomorrow morning Bridget and I will tell Morgan that we told Mrs. Stonsin,” Cecilia said after they finally figured out a plan. “NO! Ce, don’t! What if Morgan stops being friends with you?” I grieved for her to stop. “Then its her lost. Morgan has a lot of problems but she can’t take it out on my friends! I can’t let you be responsible for my actions,” Cecilia couldn’t have said it any better. “I don’t want you too!” “Ok, Claire GO TO BAND!” Hannah stood up and pointing her figure to the door getting tired of my complaining and stopping Cecilia. It was 3:15. “No, I have 10 minutes!” I fought back. “GO!” She commanded. I just stared at her. We were both standing now, “Ok, I will be back. I’m going to walk Claire to band.” Part 2 (narrating)- It was the next day, Tues. Claire had band every Mon. and Tues. morning. The morning band practices were high school and the afternoon practices on Mondays were for 6th - 8th graders, but some of the high schoolers helped. “Claire, you coming?” Hannah asked me. It was 7:10 AM. Band started at 7:20 AM. I usually would follow Hannah to her locker and then go down to band. Cecilia, Maggie, Michelle, and Morgan were at school by now. I looked over at Cecilia. “Are you waiting for Bridget?” I whispered. She slightly nodded. Cecilia was nervous. Michelle was standing by her to soothe her. “I was hoping to be here. You go ahead. I’ll go down later,” I mumbled to Hannah. It was 7:18 AM. Bridget wasn’t here yet. “Good luck! Let me know how it goes” I hugged Cecilia. “Well, right now they are talking... God, please calm Morgan and let her understand.... keep everyone close friends and a family as we were in the beginning,” I prayed during band practice. -•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•- Yeah I know I switched the title I like this one better... And I don't know why the spacing was so big so sorry... ALSO to understand why I used the penny check out my OTHER account! CandyCool ... that is my main account and in the profile it explains about why the penny is special CHECK IT OUT! :)
...The Misunderstood Coin... Chap 11 Part 1 (author note)- Whenever I am thinking I will put the words in italics. (recap)- “REVENGE!” I said gasping and then starting to break down. “Like beating me up!” I gulped. “I will have to tell her that I did it,” Cecilia sighed. That would put Morgan and Cecilia’s friendship at risk. “Oh... Ce... No... Don’t do that... I don’t want you to lose a friend,” I calmly insisted. “What she is doing to you is wrong! You didn’t tell. I did. I need to tell her.” “Well Bridget told too. Ce, don’t!” I begged her. “Claire, let her do what she wants!” Hannah finally spoken. I looked at her kinda aggravated, “And why are you in the freshman drama - being a sophomore!” “You got her stuck in it! She is just here to keep you calm.” Cecilia stood up for Hannah. “Oh yeah...” I chuckled thinking how she is here for my need. “So she thinks Claire told?” Michelle asked. “Yeah. So how will I tell her,” Cecilia said. I started taking stress really bad then. I was groaning every time they said something that meant Cecilia and Morgan won’t be friends or meant that Morgan was going to get me. They were brainstorming for a while. I didn’t understand anything they were saying. “Why does Ce have to tell Morgan... It’s my fault... If I just ignored her then this won’t have happened... Just blame it on me... I can take it... I know I would be able to!” However, I also knew something else, “Stop saying that! You know you won’t be able to handle it. Just look at yourself right now. You look pathetic!” Part 1 To Be Continued!!! -•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•- sorry couldn't fit it all :P
The Lonely Penny... Chap 10 Part 2 (important note to repeat)- Cecilia and Morgan are massive good friends (and to think they only knew each other for 5 months then) (narrating)- Eventually Cecilia came. “Ok Ce. What is it?” I asked. We walked over to a white table by the windows in a corner so we can discuss. Michelle and Cecilia sat on the top of the table facing each other while Hannah and I sat across from each other in the seats. “So Morgan told me that the counselor told her that she got like 5 emails complaining about her being a bully and like she thinks you reported her. She wants revenge, Claire.” She said slowly for herself to understand also. “REVENGE!” I said gasping and then starting to break down. -•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•- Ok tha was kinda short I am planning to try to post 2 chap at a time :) and i think that these will be a lit on the short side in the Part 2s cuz that is the only way to suspense just sayin.
The Lonely Penny... Chap 10 Part 1 (recap)- “Claire stay away from Morgan!” she ordered. “Wait why? What happened in religion class?” I asked trying to figure it all out. “I will explain but I have to see a teacher. Just don’t go by her!” “Where should I go?” I had band today at 3:20. Right now its 2:50. Our friends would gather by the benches in the front entrance like how we did when we came to school. “Just stay in the cafeteria I will see you there soon.” Cecilia left. I walked down there and just hanged with Hannah. I was getting nervous! “Oh my god! What happened!” I started passing in the corner of the cafeteria wanting to go in the front entrance to see my friends but can’t because of Morgan. And I didn’t even knew why I was hiding! “Claire, sit down! You are making me tired,” Hannah said. “No,” I said while starting to sit on the floor. Michelle walked in. “Hey, Claire, what are you doing in here?” Michelle asked. Michelle and Hannah does track and field together. “I don’t know. Just Cecilia is going to tell me what happened with Morgan in religion class. She said hide from her.” “Oh! I know some things about that. Morgan left like five minutes ago,” she said. Michelle is also in my religion class. She, Morgan, and Cecilia all sat kinda by each other while I was on the other side of the room. “You do! I better stay here. Ce said she will meet me here,” I said jumping up. “Yeah?...I do....” She said like if I was a freak, “All she said that I heard was that Morgan was sent to the counselor because of some bullying or something and she is MAD and wants to know who reported her!” Michelle really said ‘mad’ really hard. “Is that it? I didn’t know that you knew about the bullying. I thought only Cecilia, Bridget, and Han knew,” When I said ‘Han’ I motioned my head towards Hannah. She was just listening - fascinated in it and wanted to help if needed. “No, I don’t. I said that was what I heard. What is the story?” Michelle asked. I didn’t really want to spread the news because I wanted to give Morgan some privacy on her life but the beans were spilled. “Morgan kinda bullied me and Cecilia and Bridget were forced to tell on her,” I let out. “Wait! What! How?” “She would push, slap, and hit me.” I was kinda shock by how surprise Michelle was. After all, she was in my P.E. class and there my anger was always shown. That class I loved but I always looked dorky because I didn’t do the sports well. I would look like an idiot but not when we did softball. I was awesome at that! -•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•- Again sorry but it freakin didn't fit so yeah new qupte for Part 2 :P
The Lonely Penny... Chap 9 Part 2 (narrating)- A week went by and Claire saw no sign that Mrs. Stonsin told anyone including her parents. It was Monday. Again she has band that starts at 3:20. She is in religion class. It was normal except this time Morgan wasn't there. About middle of class, she came walking in. Morgan handed the teacher a yellow piece of paper and sat down. “That has to be from the counselor. Oh God please tell me she didn’t see the counselor about me!” I thought. I have only been to the counselors twice and she gave out a yellow paper for the teacher. Last time I saw her, she told me about what I should do about Morgan. Things like (a) talk to Morgan (b) sending Morgan to the counselors so she could talk to her (c) sending Morgan to the counselors and me so I can talk to Morgan but with the counselors help or (d) just ignore and deal with it. Obviously I picked (d) but I told the counselor that if she keeps it up will do (b). I looked over at Morgan and she looked mad - NO she looked furious. She was staring at her desk not looking up at all. She didn’t blink nor turned her head through the whole class. I was nervous. After the bell, I saw Morgan go over to Cecilia and were saying somethings. Cecilia came to me after school. “Claire stay away from Morgan!” she ordered. -•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•- Yes, Mrs. Stonsin isn’t her real name but the ‘S’ is. I will always try to post two chaps at a time! Also just a fyi Claire (me) over reacts on everything a little too easily. :P and yeah I know part 2 wasn't that great sorry... -_-
The Lonely Penny... Chap 9 Part 1 (recap)- “Anna! They know! It will get to my dad. They know. They all now know!” I said gasping for air. “Wait, hold a sec. Who knows what!” Anna asked. I started passing nervously. “Cecilia had to tell Mrs. Stonsin...Mrs. Stonsin!!!... about the bullying or she would get detention!” I walked over to the old stage. I slammed my hands on the top of the stage and screamed. I jumped up to sit on it. “Woah!” Anna said surprisedly. She jumped up and joined me. “It will get to my dad! How can’t it? He freakin works here!” I said while kicking my feet against the stage to get my anger out, “What do you think Mrs. Stonsin is going to do?” This time I was more clam. A few tears started rolling down my cheeks. “I don’t know...but someone had to find out sooner or later...” Anna said calmly and started rubbing my back. I stared at the floor into a different galaxy. A place where the future was told and things were clear. I swore that I just swallowed my lungs. My throat was getting tighter. We were sitting on the top of the stage in quiet. I was going through the day thinking about how it could have been kept as a secret - how this mess couldn’t have happened at all. Out of exhaustion, I stood up and then put my back against the stage. I slid to the floor. Anna jumped and sat down on the floor, also. “I don’t know what I’m going to do...” I finally spoken. A janitor came walking in. We got up and I slowly walked away. I went home. Nothing happened. My parents didn't know a thing. "One day down. A few more to go to be sure that Mrs. Stonsin won't say anything," I thought to myself. -•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•- Ok again like chap 7.... the second part is on a different quote :P.... sorry for the inconvenience! Also Im switching the colors... Im just not into pink and I love teal and blue so yeah... Thanks for readin!!! :D
I'm insane!!! At 5 o'clock today I was crying for my first in 2 months... I remembered when my friend left me when I needed her the most... I could see it I could feel it! I was there watching it all in reply sometimes I was me and others the watcher! It gave me the pain again... I was sobbing.... I'm insane to see things that arent there I could see it!!! I really could!!!
The moment I needed you the most!!!!! AND you just left!!!! B*tch I needed your thoughts about it more than anything Thats it... Just a few simple words and maybe a hug! but no you looked at me freaked out and left... I told you that you won't be able to handle it!!!!!! Y DID I TRUST U!!!!! You are my best friend...for now.... and you still are my role modle :/ ...... A b*tch for a role modle!!!