Well, Trevor and I broke up last Thursday.
We got into a HUGGGEE fight Thursday.
But it all started Wednesday night, it was time for our weekly talk, which I slowly started to dread, and hate, because for the past few weeks I have been hearing things I don't want to hear......I just want to make him happy:/
Wednesday, I ended up upset, and Thursday morning I got all his stuff together, and I took him off my facebook, and asked him when he wanted his stuff back.. Then I was like.. "So... is that it?" and he told me how he hasn't been all that happy lately and how he thinks we don't mix and that we are too different and we should go our seperate ways. I didn't want to do that. I wanted both of us to stay so badly.
I told him over and over and over that everything was going to be okay, that I was going to make it okay, that I would change for him, that I promised I would make everything better.....But he was going to leave me..I mean..he didn't even want to be my friend. At one point he said;
"I don't want to be your boyfriend, I certainly don't want to be your best friend, I don't even know if I want to be your friend"
Things got so, sososossosososoososososososo bad, I was bawling my eyes out, and I couldn't imagine him leaving me after all this time, after 2 years, talking every day, hugging almost every day, smiling almost every day, laughing, walking.... I couldn't do it, I personally didn't think I had the strength to stand alone without him by my side. It was terrible.
He was so mad at me......A different mad than I had ever seen before and it scared me and made me feel so bad.
All day, I never argued back, I just told him to stay.
Eventually, from the beginning of the argument at 12, around 4 , (arguing 4 hours straight) I got him to give me ONE more chance. But it's all on me now to make things better. This is my last shot. I can't blow it. It's scary and it doesn't make me feel good.
After that he told me he doesn't love me anymore.
After awhile, he had to eat dinner, and so did I.
I texted him this long thing Afterwards, apologizing for everything and asked him if we could play that question game that we did awhile ago to get to know each other better, and we stayed up until midnight playing that game. Then, he did tell me that he still does love me..
Then the next morning I asked him if he wanted to hang out that night (Friday night) and we ended up going to the mall for two hours that night. We had a lot of fun. We walked around and went into stores and talked, and laughed, and then ended up at the food court, where we both got something to drink and sat and talked for about a half an hour, and it was a great talk, then his dad picked us both up, and brought me home, Trevor came in with me and I gave him the things that I bought him when I was on vacation, we stood on my front porch, said I love you, and hugged then he left.
He texted me after saying that he had a really great time and that he missed being an idiot around me in person.. I had fun too.
Well, our talk is tomorrow, and I hope he hasn't decided to leave....I can't even......uhg.
I'm just mentally preparing myself for the worst but I'm hoping for the best. It was only a week, how much better can things get in like a week?
I don't know.
I hope he stays.
I love him.
I need to make things better.
They will be getting better.