I'm Max Jacob Zlatos. I was born 9th January 1997. I live in England, with my mum, stepdad and older brother, Finn.
When I was 2 years of age, my parents separated. My mother got very depressed. Every night she'd lock herself up in the bathroom and take all sorts of drugs... My brother says this went on for about 6 months, until she realised that she didnt need to get high to be happy... She just needed me, my brother and my sister, Austin. My mum was starting to find it hard to keep up with rent and still put food on the table, so one of her friends moved in with us. My mum managed to get a job for during the week, while her friend worked weekends... This man my mum was renting a room out to used to abuse e and my two older siblings. Both me and my brother have scars all over our bodies from where this man would beat us. It was horrible, I've never been through anything so traumatising in my life. We had to deal with this 5 days a week for 5 years, until he stopped paying rent and my mum kicked him out..
My older brother and sister are Twins. Finn Peter Zlatos and Austin Rae Zlatos. Finn was 20 this year, and Austin would have been.
My sister committed suicide when she was 15. Her room is still decorated the way she left it. Clothes still in her wardrobe. Bed made. Walls still covered in posters. It's been this way for 5 years and 3 days. She left a letter, doesn't really explain much:-
My names Austin.
You may know me as the confident girl who's not afraid of anything, or that girl with the big smile -I've been called that one a lot actually.
Well, if you really knew me..you'd know that it's all an act. A big mask coving up how I actually feel. You ask me how I feel, and a load of different words spring into mind, but I only choose one. "I'm fine." But I'm not.
My life hasn't exactly been like a dream. I've been using self harm as a way too take away the pain for 3 years now.
But lets be honest, my name, and who I am as a person doesn't matter because I'm no longer here.
I'd like to thank a few people:
Oliver Sykes, Matt Nicholls, Matt Kean, Lee Malia and Jona Weinhofen - the members of Bring Me The Horizon. Without the comfort of their music I'd be lost
Mitch Lucker, Chris Garza, Mark Heylun, Alex Lopez and Dan Kenny - the members of Suicide Silence. Again, without the comfort of their music i would be well and truly lost.
Max and Finn - I love you..
Youre all the biggest inspirations of my life
...but now it's over
Sorry and goodbye
This note is hidden behind pictures on my wall. Those three words are all I need "I love you.."
The other day I heard that Bring Me The Horizon were doing a CD signing to set off their new album Sempiternal.
Im not the biggest fan of their music, but I had to meet them. For Austin.
I took her suicide note with me. I met the band last, after everyone had gone.. I had never been so scared in my life. I was standing infront of one of the only things that made my sister happy.
Each band member read it - even Jordan, who wasn't part of the band when my sister was alive -, and each band member shed a tear...I'm not joking. I don't think it's possible to keep track of how many times Oli said he was sorry. Sorry he hadn't met he for him self. Sorry he hadn't known of her existence. Sorry for not being able to do anything. But he did. He kept her happy, for all I know he could of stopped her committing earlier. I owe everything to him. To the band.
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