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Status: i miss witty's glory days

Member Since: 10 Apr 2013 06:54pm

Last Seen: 11 Apr 2020 06:08pm

Location: new jersey

Gender: F

user id: 356389

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i wrote these things when i was 14 and lonely, they are weird and cringy but i am glad they are preserved here. this is my time capsule. (04/11/20 check-in).

  1. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    December 8, 2015 6:48pm UTC
    you love him.
    you are too young to understand.
    you haven't truly loved before.
    your father was abrasive,
    your mother was mild,
    and you don't exist to them anymore.
    but this love exists to you.
    you don't understand it yet.
    you hope you aren't lying to yourself.
    and the first time it happens,
    your body feels wrong.
    until it doesn't.
    kissing him doesn't.
    and this.
    you fall asleep face to face.
    you wake up just the same.
    this is the only place you can be true
    to one another.
    and gods, are you.
    the truth spills out of your mouth,
    the truth is every part of you,
    the truth is what you share.
    the truth is your language,
    and he looks so pretty, telling it.
    you do not lie to him.
    he does not lie to you.
    you do not lie, except together.
    truth, truth, truth.
    and this.
    he kisses you before you go.
    he kisses himself before you go.
    you've become him.
    it's a sort of lie,
    but you did always lie together.
    his lips feel soft.
    you have watched him become stone,
    but he has never been anything but home
    for you.
    this is everything you have ever loved.
    you are ready to fight for him.
    you are ready to fight as him.
    you are ready to die.
    you say you will return safely.
    lying isn't always voluntary.

  2. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2015 8:20pm UTC
    i've never felt more at home than with two hundred-foot cliff faces beneath my feet and leagues of ocean before me. i've never felt more at home than looking out over a sunset on top of a mountain, with the smell of pine filling my lungs. i've never felt more at home than with the tide lapping closer and closer with every minute, while crabs scuttled at my feet. i've never felt more at home than when i wasn't home. and i've never been happier, than with the world before me.

  3. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    August 29, 2015 9:07pm UTC
    knees knocking on consoles
    floorboards creaking
    the padding of your feet sounds like
    an earthquake at four in the morning
    but laughter at dawn sounds quiet
    somehow it blends
    with the hues of the sky
    and it weaves itself into the beginning of the rest of your life
    loss isn't something you've experienced yet
    your old apartment burnt to a husk
    but you haven't burned like that yet
    not yet, not yet
    you watch the sunrises and the sunsets
    and know the clouds like the backs of your palms
    they remind you of yourself
    always moving, changing, but clouds nonetheless
    the ocean is something you've never seen
    but you can hear it
    in the shells your friends bring back for you
    distance, you think, is the greatest gift
    suddenly, you're on fire,
    you've never been on fire before
    the ocean can't save you
    and distance, you find, is a burden
    sometimes, your eyes still burn
    and you have to clutch the pillow
    because it's the only way you can sleep
    when you're alone, alone, alone

  4. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    August 29, 2015 8:34pm UTC
    it's like having a conversation
    at the bottom of a swimming pool
    but i guess that's suitable because you always did
    make my lungs feel two sizes too small
    i'm staring at you through a hundred broken lenses like
    everything is valued in a different shade of blue
    and i keep trying, i keep trying but
    air bubbles dance up around me everytime i open my mouth to speak
    — they dance as i sink and why are they dancing?
    distantly, i can remember dancing with you
    and maybe, dancing is the only way you can escape
    when you're smiling too wide to cry for help
    and i find myself gasping for air
    but here, where sound is swallowed by depth
    you could think that i'm laughing instead
    chlorine burns my throat and
    this is not what summer is supposed to taste like
    i can't feel the wetness or the cold just yet
    but i can feel myself going, going, going
    and as my visions blurs, the last thing i see is
    grinning from behind a scuba mask,
    and i can't help but wonder:
    why are you allowed to breathe while i drown?

  5. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    June 23, 2015 1:38pm UTC
    my ghosts have the summer
    to run free
    to rediscover
    every crevice of me
    they have been hidden away
    for too long
    behind my eyelids
    and between my fingers
    they are a part of me
    and will be treated as such
    i cannot hide
    in my own walls
    and i will relearn my life
    every part of it
    as it has happened
    and as it will be
    the mountains still stand tall
    after earthquakes, and each rock
    to have been loosened by the shaking
    only leaves a new handhold to reach the top

  6. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    June 22, 2015 7:31pm UTC
    a solemn boat drifting out to sea,
    only ridges of mountains say goodbye to me.
    and you, my dear, you were there too,
    silently begging from behind eyes of blue.

  7. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    April 24, 2015 11:15pm UTC
    i lit myself on fire
    only to keep you warm
    and when you got too hot
    you had no qualms about
    putting out my light
    you were the wind and i was a willow
    submissive, bending to your force
    branches torn and whipped, forgotten
    in the wake of you
    i was icarus and you were daedalus
    except you gave me no warnings
    and i was willing to your every wish
    and so you sent me flying
    into the hottest star

  8. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2015 2:29pm UTC
    the all time low concert was amazing and i caught alex's waterbottle and basically shared a drink with alex gaskarth. i have been baptized and blessed

  9. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    April 15, 2015 10:26pm UTC
    i fumble my hands,
    i try not to pick at my nails.
    i am still wearing your nail polish,
    and i'm scared that if i scratch it off,
    it'll really be the end.
    you do not look at me,
    no one looks at me.
    in a sea of people i call my friends,
    i am surrounded by cliffs which
    rip holes in the sides of my ship.
    in a sea of people i call my friends,
    i am alone.
    i scrape the red off my nails,
    and clean the blood off my nailbeds,
    my fingertips still shaking.
    i am no longer wearing your nail polish,
    you are no longer mine to laugh with.

  10. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    January 10, 2015 10:12pm UTC
    my first boyfriend and i lasted for nine months. now, this doesn't mean i was good at relationships, but that's what everyone thought it meant. what it really meant was that neither he nor i knew how to properly stand up for ourselves, and that he took advantage of this — while i did not. nothing was every properly discussed, details were glossed over, i was too scared to say anything until the day things ended. we were good together, theoretically; liked the same things, could talk for hours, he wasn't a bad person. but, he never taught me how to be in a good relationship, that isn't what i learned. what i learned was to evaluate every relationship — even the "successful" ones.

  11. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    January 5, 2015 12:16am UTC
    "Oh god, I can't even choose which option should be heads and which should be tails, that's the degree of my indecisiveness. When you epitomize the superlative of something, is that a good thing or a bad one? I can't decide."

  12. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    December 29, 2014 12:32am UTC
    i love seeing people's accounts here change and grow as they do in terms of how they use their words and how their style changes from account to account i think it's really great i rly don't care much about this site aside the small group of followers/followings i have but even outside of that it's really nice to see a person's evolution catalogued here

  13. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    December 26, 2014 12:28am UTC
    i just want to feel alive —
    i want to hear music over the sound
    of the air rushing past my ears,
    when the car windows are down,
    on a dimly lit night,
    and sea spray tickles my nose coming from
    somewhere in the distance,
    surrounded by a friend or two and quiet laughter
    and knees knocked together on the console.
    and sure, i'm just describing
    some low budget indie film cliche,
    but a dose of cliche is like a shot of
    adrenaline, and i just want naivity
    and stupid mistakes coursing through my veins
    for a night, so when it comes to an end
    i can watch the sunrise from a ratty blanket,
    and feel my eyelids go down as the sun comes up;
    i want meaningless memories that i can feel at my fingerips,
    everytime the wind blows a certain way.

  14. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    December 7, 2014 12:10am UTC
    the world is so beautiful and i am so small
    i only wish that i spent less time crying under the covers,
    and allowed myself to discover this earlier
    that there are mountains wider than minds,
    and lakes that are ice blue like robins' eggs,
    and robins' eggs that little birds are going to hatch from,
    and that every little pebble is different and nothing is exactly the same
    there are sunsets and sunrises, and new days and so many futures;
    and i no longer want to die, but the longing to see all of these things
    in the little time we all have left hurts almost just as much

  15. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    November 2, 2014 2:57pm UTC
    thirteen years old
    backpack heavy
    palms sweaty
    gripping the key tightly as i try to unlock the door
    before anyone sees
    a young girl alone on the street
    nineteen years old
    heels in hand
    palms sweaty
    gripping the key tightly between my knuckles
    ready to lunge at the itchy hands that try to grab me
    as i walk through dark alleys back to the dorm
    twenty-seven years old
    heart pounding
    palms sweaty
    gripping the key tightly as i sneak out of the apartment before dawn
    before he wakes up and
    sheds more bruises on me that no one else will see
    fourty years old
    voice shaky
    palms sweaty
    gripping the key tightly as i pass my daughter her first house key
    and i hope that she won't need to shift it between her fingers as she walks home
    or rush to lock her doors
    and i hope it won't leave her palms sweaty with the fears of everything i have seen

  16. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    October 23, 2014 8:18pm UTC
    my lungs are as clenched tight as my fists
    and i'd probably die before they unconstrict
    i'd probably die before you started loving me too

  17. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    October 15, 2014 5:00pm UTC
    you make my skin itch and my heart race
    but you also help me breathe some days
    and honestly i'm terrified because i've
    never been so scared and so brave
    at the same time and
    panic and elation aren't things
    that should feel good together

  18. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    October 14, 2014 9:34pm UTC
    yes i am an ocean and you are only a drop but i am still made up of you and without you i would never be as whole as before and i just keep washing onto shores to get rid of you but i can't i can't i can't

  19. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    October 14, 2014 5:19pm UTC
    they are the ones who didn't make it,
    the ones whose notebooks are filled with scrawl
    and scribbled out words,
    those who struggle to find inspiration
    and find inspiration in their struggle.
    those for whom effort is not only lifeblood,
    but poison.
    success an apple, so crisp, so sweet,
    laced with hatred by life itself.
    they are the ones who worked hard,
    built bridges only to burn them,
    they are the ones who stayed home,
    because the world took too much.

  20. hyperion* hyperion*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2014 8:18pm UTC
    i dream about the simple things,
    your eyes behind my eyelids,
    your voice ringing out to call my name,
    i dream about the trivial things;
    mundane things, but with you in them.
    i dream about you giving me the time of day,
    but i think i'm only in love with the idea,
    because loving you outside the dreamscape
    is turning out to be a nightmare that
    only the most vivid horrors could surpass.


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