Truth Is~28; ~I have plenty of friends, but I don't trust anyone enough to talk. i trust one person enough to tell them what's wrong and that's my boyfriend. That's great, but sometimes he upsets me...leaves me feeling so worthless so crappy...just like I'm sure I do to him...and at that point I have no one...~
Truth Is~27; ~I wish I didn't care...I wish I could sit back and be a nothing cuz then comments like that couldn't hurt me, but the problem is I can't. I try to the best friend, girlfriend AND daughter...I try to be something everyone can be proud of. I try so...so hard...too hard...and it just keeps builiding up cuz people keep saying I'm not good enough and everytime...I try to prove them wrong...~
Truth Is~25; ~One day I'll be fine, feel like I'm on top of the world. I'll feel as though everything in my life is perfect. The next...I'll be crying, curled up hoping for the best...wishing I hadn't done the things I've done. I think I'd rather just feel like crap all the time then switch back and forth. It's confusing...~
He told me not to let it get as bad as his life had gotten...I can't loose all motivation or I'd ...I have to fight to keep my sanity...my happinessand if nothing else fight to live.I keep telling myself that,though I hadn't thought of it like this at the time,hurting him was the only way I could do that.I saw my chance at life and I grabbed ahold of it.Making myself accept the damage I caused,for what I feel is selfish,is by far the hardest part of breathing.
Truth Is~24; ~Most of the time when I refuse to do something to or with my boyfriend...it's not cause I'm uncomfortable with the idea or think marriage is the way to go on everything...it's cause I'm afraid I'll mess up. I don't really know what I'm doing and I'm afraid I'll embarass myself in a failing attempt at "sexy" or whatever o.O~
Truth Is~22; ~"It's funny...someone who doesn't wanna hurt people is the person who hurts people the most." <---That...that right there made me think...the thinking that came from it upset me...I've never meant to hurt anymore._.~
I talked my ex boyfriend out of suicide...I was bawling my eyes out because he still means basically everything to meHe finally gave up and said that he'd stay alive, but he was "done".I didn't know what "done" meant until after he said it...Done means he's going to spend hours staring at the ceiling Done means no social lifeDone means countless hours of sleepingDone means our "friendship" is overDone means he's only getting on for two seconds a day just to tell me he's keeping his word...but he's still "done"Done means...I'm going to loose sleep, cry pointless, and sit alone at night thinking it's all my fault. He's happiest with me, but for once I'm doing what's truly best for me and my future. I can't understand why he's "done" why he just gave up...why he won't even try to get better...if not for him...then me...or his other friends...or his family...He said it's been four years now...I just don't know what to do anymore...I can't just let him die...and I can't let him live like this...
Last Night,My boyfriend asked me what I thought about people getting engaged when they are still in highschool. I said I had never really thought about it but I guessed it wasn't that bad. He said he was only curious because his friend got engaged a while back. Part of me is just waiting for him to whip a ring out when we're on one of our weekly dates. I really don't know what I'd do, but due to the fact that he bought me a diamond necklace before we even started going out again...this doesn't seem like it would be too out of character. I've spent the past 24 hours thinking of how I would react.