Well ok I hate these things so here goes nothing.... My name is Emmy. I love music, all music, its my life. I'm an artist, I paint. I am the kind of person who allows my self to trust and love way to easy. I get hurt, alot. I have been hurt in the past. If i seem quiet and distant its because its easier for me to protect myself that way. I cut for 2 years, quit for 4, cut for like a month, and stopped again going on 5 months now I think... Well thats all I think needs to be known about me... :)
EmmyLou posted a quote
September 25, 2012 9:40am UTC
O.o sorry I have been away for, well ages honestly. But I've been busy with college ang life... I love how things are right now. I know you might not believe me, but once you get out of high school things change, people change, and well the world looks at everythign differently. Give it a chance. College will change you life in one way or another, if you open yourself up to it, it will change you for the best. <3
Well, I did it today. I burried one of my best friends. Now its time to try and get back to something like normal, maybe with any luck it will be easy, but I have the feeling it is going to be hard and awful.
I saw him today. In a coffin, eyes closed, body unmoving. His body has been through so much, he barely resembles himself. But its him, his name is on the guest book. Hes dressed well, matched perfectly. He would have been happy with the outfit. Reality is hard enough to deal with reguarly, but when you have to face the reality that you have lost a friend its even harder. When you have to look at his family and say "I'm sorry for your loss" its hard. To see him laying there, so lifeless its hard. He was my friend, and a light to everyonr he met. His life and fire was contagious. It was something I thought would never be distinguished. I guess everyone has an end in their lives. All we can do is celebrate the life that was lived, how ever short it might have been. Rest in Peace. Love you always,~Emmy
So I cooked dinner last night... then I went to bed. I wake up this morning to find all the leftovers still on the stove, so when I call my mom to ask her a question I bring up the leftovers this is how the conversation went...Me: You didn't put up the leftovers....Mom: I know.Me: Why not?Mom: I didnt know if you were finished eating.Me: I went to bed.....Mom: Oh well it made you sick last night anyway.Me: I was gonna eat that for lunch today.... Now I'm gonna starve.Mom: You won't starve, there is peanut butter. My mother I swear. If I don't put up the leftovers after she cooks the world ends, but she doesnt do it and its no big deal, seems slightly unfair if you ask me. And it never made me sick, I just got a headache. She just blames it on my cooking. Oh, and I don't like peanut butter!!!!!! Well some times its ok, but still.
Oh Thank you Steve! You have returned my Witty chat to me before I had a complete break down. :) Life has once again regained its normality, now if only I could get my sleeping habbits back to normal life would be perfect.
Rescent events have ghosts from my past resurfacing. We were good friends, so I let him in. Now I'm wondering if the past should remain in the past. I mean its called the past for a reason. Or is this ghost what I need to break the cycle I've been in. Like I said, we were friends... He was the first guy to ever ask me out, and if I understand him right he still does. He dated my best friend back then, thats why I turned down his offer, I wasn't gonna be the reason they broke up. Now hes single and my friend is engaged to another guy that makes her happy. I'm scared to even consider it. What if it works out? Hes gonna be in the military, I'll be at school.. He doesn't even live here right now, he moved freshman year. What if it doesn't work out? It would ruin our friendship, things would never be the same. What if its only physical, like all my other relationships here lately... Thats what scares me most, is that he calls me beautiful, smart, and funny, and the only thing I'd ever be good enough for was a good time. All this makes me wonder if I should stop chasing ghosts from my past and start trying to find someone for my future...Thanx for reading, I'm so confused I don't know what to do anymore. ~Emmy
"I said, "Leave," but all I really want is youTo stand outside my window throwing pebblesScreaming, 'I'm in love with you'Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for moreAnd don't you leave cause I knowAll I need is on the other side of the door"~Taylor Swift - Other Side of the Door
"So we’ve been outnumberedRaided and now corneredIt’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fairWe’re getting stronger nowFind things they never foundThey might be biggerBut we’re faster and never scaredYou can walk away, say we don’t need thisBut there’s something in your eyesSays we can beat this"~Taylor Swift - Change
There are moments in life that make you realize that the only person who will ever be there for you is you. Today is one of thoes days. Hes with his sister, and I cant fall apart with anyone else. Im scared to fall with anyone else. He can make everything ok again, he can pick up the pieces of my fragile world and make it spin again. He out of reach, but hes the only thing that I want. I hate to say this, but I guess they are right. I love him. Have for awhile and more than likely always will. To bad these feelings only go one way... He doesn't love me, and more than likely never will. Im always gonna be the girl whos good, but not good enough. Im his backup when hes between relationships. I cant keep living like this, I wish there was some way to make everything better... Make him at least give us a try. Thats to much to hope for. I leave in August. I'll put another 300 miles between us. Maybe then, I can forget him and move on. Thats something so much easier said than done. ~Emmy
You think that you know me, but you dont. I've hiden my self from you for years. Why do you think that you know me? You dont know a damn thing thats important. You dont know who ive been with or where ive been. You dont know why i act the way i do. Hmmm, wonder why you dont know. You are judgmental and i cant tell you anything without a lecture on how awful or selfish or stupid i am or my choices are. Im sick and tired of being treated like a child by you. You dont know who i am, or what i think. I keep it all inside so it doesnt hurt you. Because, if you knew the real me... You would hate me and yourself.... The real me would just cause you pain, so ill keep it to myself, just like i have for years. ~Emmy