Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

Eli22b

  1. Steve Steve
    posted a quote
    November 13, 2013 11:15am UTC
    Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?
    I hear it's making headlines

  2. Steve Steve
    posted a quote
    November 14, 2013 11:39am UTC
    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

  3. Steve Steve
    posted a quote
    November 14, 2013 11:45am UTC
    Did you hear about the bomb in the cheese factory?
    De Brie went everywhere

  4. Steve Steve
    posted a quote
    November 14, 2013 11:48am UTC
    A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"

  5. Chris* Chris*
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2013 8:45pm UTC
    THE OLDER
    WE GET THE
    BETTER WE
    USED TO BE.

  6. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 12:58pm UTC
    "What's a queen without her king?" Well, historically, better.

  7. Andrew_Was_Here Andrew_Was_Here
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2013 9:32pm UTC
    Me on my wedding day: you still like me right

  8. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 1:05pm UTC
    u (◠‿◠✿)
    did not (◠‿◠✿)
    teach us this (◠‿◠✿)
    why is it (◠‿◠✿)
    on the test (◠‿◠✿)
    BTCH (⊙‿⊙✿)

  9. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 1:07pm UTC
    I would literally throw last year’s version of myself down a set of stairs

  10. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2013 7:35pm UTC
    That epic feeling
    When you find your new favourite band.

  11. Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2013 7:40pm UTC
    one time i was on the phone with
    this person who called the wrong number and the person was like 'oh i think i have the
    wrong number sorry bye' and I was like 'okay, love you bye' and then i hung up and i
    realized i said 'love you bye' so i called back to apologize.

  12. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 10:13am UTC
    America:
    Making my way downtown
    America: Walking fast
    China: Hey America you owe me money--
    America: Walking faster

  13. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 3:40pm UTC
    when i was little i used to think that "heck" was a bad word and the first time i said it was when i was 10 and i was so scared that my parents would find out that i started crying.

  14. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 4:22pm UTC
    queen elizabeth wasnt allowed to climb stairs by herself growing up so when she became queen she ran up and down the stairs because no one could stop her

  15. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 4:24pm UTC
    When I was 7 I tried to run away from home but I wasnt allowed to cross the street so I just took left turns and I eventually ended up back at home and it was really embarrassing

  16. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 4:26pm UTC
    miley literally is a genius she did all of this sh-t at award shows and performances and made people talk about her for months, and her album ends up being #1 and breaking records and now she’s just sitting back at her house laughing about all the money/success she has and going back to taking selfies with her dogs. she’s so smart.

  17. AlwaysxAxDreamer AlwaysxAxDreamer
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 4:34pm UTC
    *A guys calls me beautiful*
    Me: Oh my god.
    Me: It's finally happened.
    Me: Oh. My. God.
    *A few seconds later*
    Me: WHAT IF HE SEES ME LATER AND CHANGES HIS MIND

  18. AlwaysxAxDreamer AlwaysxAxDreamer
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 4:37pm UTC
    Are you sure it's too late to not be a child again?

  19. AlwaysxAxDreamer AlwaysxAxDreamer
    posted a quote
    October 19, 2013 4:45pm UTC
    Half the time I'm not sure if I'm swiftly maturing or if I'm aging backwards.

  20. Chris* Chris*
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2013 8:56pm UTC
    Until I was six years old I didn't realize what it was that my father did for a living. The news was broken to me by a playmate at school.
    That night, when Dad came home from work and flopped into his easy chair, I approached him with awe. Then doubt crept in. He didn't look famous to me, he just looked tired.
    So I asked a crucial question. “Daddy, are you Walt Disney?”
    “Yes, honey,” he replied.
    “I mean, are you the Walt Disney?”
    He nodded. So it was true!
    “Daddy,” I said, “please give me your autograph.”
    -My Dad, Walt Disney

:)

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2020 Witty Profiles