Witty Profiles

dreamer*

1. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   October 20, 2013 7:06am UTC
   Sometimes you just need to lay on the floor
   and do nothing for three years.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 83 points
2. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   October 6, 2013 5:24am UTC
   If i was a criminal
   i would do all my crimes on a scooter so the police would
   only see one footprint every few meters and they'd look for a one-legged man
   with powerful jumping muscles instead of me.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 77 points
3. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   October 6, 2013 5:20am UTC
   me: *sleeps for 4 hours* tired
   me: *sleeps for 8 hours* tired
   me: *sleeps for a month* tired
   me: *sleeps for a year* still tired
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 76 points
4. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   October 3, 2013 2:05am UTC
   me: Hi
   family: OMG she's out of her cave!!!!It's a miracle!!!!! lololol
   me: Bye
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 56 points
5. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   September 24, 2013 2:04pm UTC
   I love typing because my fingers make that cool sound and i seem professional.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 94 points
6. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   September 18, 2013 2:24pm UTC
   I saw a fake skeleton for sale today for $849
   and I was like wtf I could get a real skeleton for free but then I remembered murder is illegal.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 124 points
7. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   September 7, 2013 7:03am UTC
   Friend: Let's go to a party!
   Me: I can't I'm ugly.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 138 points
8. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   August 29, 2013 8:14am UTC
   How to break up with someone
   You: Your ex is attractive.
   Partner: Which one?
   You: ME.
   You: BYEEEE.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 109 points
9. dreamer*
   posted a quote
   August 28, 2013 6:17am UTC
   Basically me at school all day:
   me: I hate all of you.
   me: Stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday.
   me: Holy f*ck walk faster.
   me: Get smarter idiot.
   me: Maybe if i hit my head on my desk enough times i'll die.
   me: I'm so hungry.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 128 points
10. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    August 27, 2013 4:38am UTC
    Now you understand why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 86 points
11. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    August 20, 2013 2:42pm UTC
    Me:Remembers lyrics to 17 different songs in 2 days.
    Me:Forgets what I had for dinner yesterday.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 92 points
12. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 6:23am UTC
    me: I should go shower now.
    (five minutes later)
    (another five minutes later)
    (yet another five minutes later)
    (more five minute intervals)
    someone: (goes into the bathroom)
    me:Wow f*ck you I was JUST about to go take a shower.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 98 points
13. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    August 15, 2013 8:59am UTC
    How to get ready for school:Cry
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 66 points
14. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    August 1, 2013 6:23am UTC
    I'm really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don't care.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 74 points
15. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    August 1, 2013 6:20am UTC
    Mum:Can you-
    Me:*groans for 17 hours*
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 134 points
16. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    July 25, 2013 5:35am UTC
    me looking at a picture someone took of me:delete it.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 76 points
17. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    July 15, 2013 5:05am UTC
    It amazes me that I can accurately type at top speed without looking at my keyboard but still pour water down my shirt ‘cause I missed my mouth in general.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 85 points
18. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    July 10, 2013 3:46pm UTC
    parents:I'm in a bad mood I think I'll go yell at my kids so they're in a bad mood too
    parents:and then yell at them for being in a bad mood.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 69 points
19. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    June 28, 2013 4:02pm UTC
    mom:do you have a boyfriend?
    me:yes.
    mom:does he exist?
    me:yes.
    mom:does he know you exist?
    me:not yet.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 175 points
20. dreamer*
    posted a quote
    June 28, 2013 3:49am UTC
    Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your room, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book at like 3am?
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 237 points

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