1:03am
every facet of my head hurts--my mind, my jaw, my ears, my eyes are on fire. my stomach is churning. i'm hunched over, sitting on a chair in my kitchen, staring at the medicine cabinet. i just want it to stop.
1:47am
i am holding a bottle of pills. my hand is shaking, causing the capsules to rattle. my face is contorted, my eyebrows are permanently furrowed. the fan above me creates a buzzing noise that blocks out any voice of reason i could be hearing.
2:28am
the bottle is on the floor, the cap is broken off. all the pills are gone. my shaking has gotten worse. i've started sweating, and drops of it sting my eyes. they blur my vision. i don't care. i feel like i'm going to lose everything i've eaten today. i pound my fist on my thigh, and the bruises that are already there scream. i grit my teeth.
3:52am
my jaw aches worse than ever. my abdomen is sore. i'm gasping curses on myself. i've thrown up four times. i might pass out if i do it again. there was a time i would've died rather than vomit. i wish i was dead. wasn't that the whole point?
5:00am
i am asleep on the bathroom floor. my toothbrush is laying on the side of the sink, next to an open tube of toothpaste. my dreams are black.
5:57am
i cough myself awake. my skin looks dead. my toes are numb. my throat is raw. i take a shallow breath and stand up. my legs are wobbly. my body aches from sleeping on the hard tile. i force myself to take a shower. i try not to look at myself in the mirror.
6:30am
my back is against my matress. judy garland is playing from my ipod. her voice soothes me. i unclench my fists. i will be okay. i will be okay. i will be okay.
Delicate*
Miluiel*
Y0UNGL0V3MURD3R
gab*
seafoam*
