Hia Dears! <3
I'm Tori nice to see you here (again)
My life <3
Art | Witty | Facebook | He Is We | Mayday Parade | Pandora | Sasha (girl best friend) | Memes | My Wife and Kids | Friends (Show) | gym shoes | jeans | shorts | HSM(1,2,&3) | Cheetah Girls <3 | Music | <3 No love life <3 | Not caring single | Still believe in love | high school better than i thought | and THAT is my whole life <3
me happy? i was… for about less than two weeks he decided he couldnt handle it. he used all those clichés "its not you its me" "you deserve better" this broke me for a good two days. now? im numb to emotional things i dont trust anyone except my best friend i dont accept promises all because of one boy. thanks alot kid. he promised the world, but had no faith in a future for me and him. the point in all this? to just watch me break? to play with my emotions? was there any point in us? well there is no more us. im not the girl i used to be because of this
today, someone tried to convince me to like them because things happened when i saw him yesterday. i didnt want those things to happen but they did. (it could have been worse it could have webt farther but i stopped it before that) i felt like i cheated on this kid that i like who likes me too and we arent technically dating. how do i deal with the first kid? (btw they have the same name -.-)
My darling Sara by shane koyczan “The failing use of my right hand isn’t actually the failing use of my right hand it’s just another way to tell the time and I’m ticking so I’ve been picking myself up at bars with a bottle in each hand but I never give myself any play I only make plans with myself for the day after next but by the time the sun swings back around into position I forget the context of why I asked myself out in the first place did I think I was going to score? I let a stranger pour me one more she says my name is Sara doesn’t take much more than that to start a relationship My darling, Sara cleans rooms for a living giving her youth and beauty to dirt and dust understands more than most that family must be the foot you put forward first you must weather the worst together but having never met her family she places love above all else then protests that I use the word love too freely in poems and I should really just say what I mean and I suppose what I mean most is that I’m trying she’s been buying me time on a maxed out credit card arms scarred from selling her own blood to pay down the debt tells me she doesn’t mind going broke just so long as I can give her a little sweat she says try so I do my best impression of a pen and when every problem looks like a page I commit ink to paper the worth of the words that come out determines my wage I’ve been making enough to pay her the compliment of not quitting.. of not sitting when standing is required she only asks that I put the effort in and in return she’s willing to pin a paper heart to her chest then do her best impression of a target She tells me that effort is the siamese twin of success so when everyone else looks like a wrong answer she says she’ll settle for being my best guess so we lie in bed like a mess that someone’s been meaning to clean for the large part of a long while we lie there like a pile of dirty laundry and how we’ll ever come clean is beyond me so we don’t she says it’s supposed to be dirty and if by the end you haven’t hurt me then you didn’t try so I do my best impression of a surgeon cutting purple hearts out of my own use my veins like thread then have hurt sewn to our skin like medals because when the bleeding stops and that dust settles all we have are our wounds to wear like decorations upon our chest Sara does her best impression of a war tells me not to count my pride among casualties because maybe faith means never keeping score she says there’s more to effort than just switching gears and in terms of what one should give in life sweat holds more value than tears you have to try and even though the failing use of my right hand means I’ll never land a knockout punch in the first round life is composed of sound and fury whatever noise is left in me will be twice as loud when I try so I plug myself into the idea of going the distance and I amplify My darling, Sara has a throat like a vase she sings her words into bloom has voice like perfume it’s been sticking to my clothes so everyone knows where I’ve been sleeping she’s been keeping me so close you could use my body for evidence pull her fingerprints as proof that she’s been on top so often she’s starting to look like my roof but a real sexy roof and she doesn’t leak unless you count the crying she does that sometimes worries that she’s just a back up plan My darling, Sara. I’ve lived long enough to learn too many choices can destroy a man I will make no exodus I’ll be around long enough to watch uncertainty bid us farewell the echo our names into the crater caused by the impact of when our lack of conviction fell you’ve never had to sell me on the idea of absolute certainty in the trustworthiness of another the first and only time you met my mother mom said “I like the way she looks at you” and I echoed back to her that I liked it too. eyes like recycle bin blue Sara looks at broken things as if she can make them new more than a few times I’ve caught her staring caught her wearing a smile reserved for those busy making plans. Sara believes that distance is a fundamental that can be side-stepped by a piece of string and two tin cans and I remember when my tin can rang. they said there’s no family to speak of so love is next in line and there’s not a lot of time but she’s asking for her boyfriend in the cab to the hospital I feel my heart bend as if bracing for impact so I do my best impression of a man and face fact. it’s supposed to hurt. a doctor does his best impression of the truth and spares me his attempts to skirt around the issue. they can’t stop the bleeding and the failing use of Sara’s heart isn’t actually the failing use of Sara’s heart.. it’s just another way to tell the time. My darling, Sara I was holding your hand when you died and even though the failing use of my right hand prevented me from feeling you leave.. I tried.”
some people… they dont know how lucky they are their parents still together and happy little siblings that look up to them amazing friends a boyfriend a great life none of its good enough they treat their parents like sh/t they ignore their siblings they leave the friends that have always been their for them and never hurt them they look around at cute boys and say "d@mn too bad i have a boyfriend" their life isnt good enough becase thwy dot have everything they want yes i can be guilty of some of this but im finally seeing how lucky i am…
im sorry about my generation everyone judges on looks no ones ever good enough no one treats anyone right no one can be fully trusted not even your best friend everyone tries to run everyone elses lives and gets mad if someone tries to run theirs everyone cheats everyone tried to grow up too fast but no one wanted to mature so im sorry for everyone in my generation thats is like this
i've been clean for almost 8 months i've made and lost friends over these 8 months some know about how i used to be and some don't this saturday i started going out with this guy and we were hanging out at a car wash since it was cold i was wearing a sweatshirt and under, a three-quarter sleeve he said let me see the other shirts sleeve he looked at my wrist and i guess he could tell i never told him but i've told him stories of things that have happened that he could have thought that have happened after i pull my sweatshirt back over my arm he immediately grabs my hand and kisses it then he put his arm around me, kissed my cheek, told me how he cant believe how gorgeous i am, then kissed my forehead. he's probably the best thing that has happened to me all year! Frank, thank you for coming into my life. please stay, i promise i'll do my best to be good enough for you, even when i don't deserve someone as amazing as you
CapriSun posted a quote
March 29, 2013 11:42am UTC
yesterday: my mom picking out my flaws im on the verge of breaking down i feel te tears building up so i check facebook on my phone i see a notification and i check it my friend Bridget said "you're beautiful, inside and out" i never told her what happened but she made my day later, i was on a church pilgrimage and my friend Patrick randomly told me "you've looked great all day" they have no idea what has happened in my life but they helped me get through that day
CapriSun posted a quote
March 16, 2013 10:22am UTC
I never really liked you.. or him... I've only ever wanted HIM but I knew I couldnt have HIM so I settled for someone who I thought liked me (you) then you ignored me and it bothered me but not as much as it should have he made me feel like he liked me like I meant something but then he started dating her I was actually relieved... and now the only person on my mind is HIM HE is the best person in this world, HE's amazing! you and him were just... okay i guess... but neither of you can ever compare to HIM
Questions run through my mind, just too many to count or say. I try to answer others' questions too, while i have my own. I see, and understand, all the pain in this world. Why can't it all just stop? Take a break for a while? Let people catch their breath?
continuing... Am I affraid of commitment? Is that all i want? Am i only good at pushing people away? Why doesn't anyone ever care enough to stay? Am i good at anything? Why can't i focus on what's important? Do i try too hard? Do i not try enough? Is there something actually wrong with me? Is it with how i look? My personality? Does anyone want to break down the walls that surround my heart? Is now just not my time? Will i have a time? Is "love" worth it? All this pain? Suffering? Why can't i know the reason for anything? Why can nothing make sense? Why does no one ever care? Do i even want someone to care? It's not bad if self-respect pushes people away right? Was he just a rebound? Were these all feelings from two years ago and not today? Do i still miss you? Do i still want to be with you? Do you even want to be with me like you tell people? Why don't you talk to me? Why does everyone leave? Am i not smart enough for this anymore? Is it because i can't put words together they way anyone else can? Is it be cause i'm dyslexic? What am i smart enough for? Do i actually like being lonely? Is being alone my escape? Are art and music always going to be my only way out? Should i look for happy endings? Do i get attached too easily? Am i the best to anyone? Does my family even care? Why do they ignore me? Why don't i feel needed by anyone? Am i needed by anyone? Will i ever be? these and so many more questions going through my head...i would type them out but i can't get all the words in the right order... there are just too many of them...
Was it my fault? Was it yours? Was i not patient enough? Were you just a jerk? Do i want to fix things between us? How do i do that? Do you even care? Did you ever care? Was i just another girl you added to your list? Am i not good enough? Will i ever be good enough? Will anyone ever care? Why is my life changing so much so fast? Is there any way to stop it? Is there any way to stop the confusion? ... to be continued
CapriSun posted a quote
February 27, 2013 12:30am UTC
You said you weren't like everyone else, you said you wouldn't leave... Why did I trust you? That's what everyone else said too... Now I know not to trust or look up to other people... You were just like the rest. You were what you said you were not...
CapriSun posted a quote
February 18, 2013 9:03am UTC
broke up with him last night... yesterday was also the day that... i started talking to someone again after 2 years... he told me how he always wondered what would have happened if we never lost touch maybe we could have worked out? and i told him how i was glad that we started talking again he said so too except he wished it hadnt been 2 years he's super nice and i feel really bad because i just got out of a relationship... but im starting to like him again dont know what to do... so im not going to do anything right now...
CapriSun posted a quote
February 15, 2013 7:24pm UTC
yes she's my best friend she's better than me at so much she's prettier than i am no her life isnt perfect... but whose is? she has guys lined up for her guys actually like her then there's me i'm not good at much i'm not all that pretty (not saying it for attention i swear i really dont think im pretty) my life is far from perfect ONE guy finally likes me after a year and a half... but im affraid he likes her too... i don't blame him if he does he's made me so happy even though we havent been dating long... seeing him or even just talking to him makes my day but lately we havent talked as much... he'll talk to other people but not me... im scared to get hurt again... but im also scared to hurt him... i just hope everything works out between me and him
CapriSun posted a quote
February 15, 2013 2:51pm UTC
hey witty.... i have a question,,, should i be worried if my boyfriend talks to my best friend more than me sometimes? (key things to know) they text and i dont have a phone he's not always online they've known eachother longer (a year) he used to like her