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Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou

1. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
   posted a quote
   February 26, 2011 2:20pm UTC
   All I wanted was an apology, thats all I asked for. I let that take control over me, i let that be the reason for me talking to you and wanted to see you. Because i needed to here those words to move on. Thats where i was wrong. An apology wont take away the pain you caused me. It wont take back the past and it sure as hell wont make me forgive you. I realize that now, sure an apology would be nice. Yeah it might make me feel better but you'll never truly know what your apologizing for. You will never feel what i felt. You'll never know what i went through every night crying, you wont understand anything you did to me. And i dont know if its worth hearing those words when all im going to do is cry and cry more and more over those words because i know that those words dont mean anything to you. You dont know what your saying sorry for. So it wont mean anything. and that i dont think i could take. That was all i wanted but now all i want is for this pain to go away and ill find my own way on moving on without your help because thats what moving on is. Its going on with your life no matter how bad it hurts. Its making your life better on your own without someone that made it bad in the first place. Its making yourself stronger without anyones help. Its becoming yourself and finding out what YOU need. And that I can do without you.
   
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2. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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   February 5, 2011 1:23am UTC
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3. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
   posted a quote
   February 2, 2011 5:28pm UTC
   There Will Always Be A Part Of Me That Loves You.
   You were my first love. No one will ever be able to change that. I don't want to remember you for my whole life. You put me threw hell and back.. But I made it. I made threw everything you put me threw, I made it threw the pain you caused me, I made it threw all your lies, I made it threw all the never minds, I made it threw all the goodbyes, I made it threw all those times where all I wanted to do was be with you, I made it threw all the bad memories, I made it threw all the good ones, I made it threw all the 'i love you's', I made it threw all the regrets, I made it threw everything. But that doesn't take the pain away. The pain will always be there in me, constantly reminding me about you, but the thing is.. I'm alright with that. Why? Because I know its the past. I know that you can never hurt me again but only if I don't let you. If we never talk again you cant hurt me. i have to stay strong and stay away from you. I know that everything will be ok in the end. This is just a struggle I had to go through to make me who I am today. Ill always love you. That will never change. And yes, I miss you. But I always miss who I was when I was younger.. But that doesn't mean I want to go back to that. I miss you but i cant want you back. You coming back will only hurt me more than missing you. I miss you, yes. But I don't miss what you put me through, I don't miss the pain you caused me, I don't miss your lies, I don't miss all the tears and scars you caused. You were everything to me. everything. But I never meant anything to you.. I know that. I'm done lying to myself that I meant something to you. I'm done telling myself you really did love me.. because you didn't. You never will. I know that. I can't keep lying to myself to make the pain go away. Because the truth is.. Lying about this only makes it hurt more. I know I'll be okay without you, I know ill live no matter what I say when I'm having my daily break down. I know everything will be okay. Life will go on, Ill move on, and life will get easier. I just have to give it time. I just have to stay strong and believe that everything will be ok.
   Because I know it will.
   
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4. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
   posted a quote
   January 30, 2011 10:19pm UTC
   Day 27
   unknown-
   I don't know who you are, or if there even is a you. I don't remember, but there has to of been someone so nice to me for one day. And I'm sure this person made my day, maybe even made my life easier. Thank you, you made me believe good people are out there.
   
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5. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
   posted a quote
   January 23, 2011 5:50pm UTC
   Day 26
   Jimmy- I don;t really know you. i was joking around with you when you were on the phone with my friend. I was being fake mean to you and you made me pinky promise to be nice. Nothing special.
   
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6. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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   January 23, 2011 5:47pm UTC
   Day 25
   Tony- Your parents got a divorce not that long ago.. Im so sorry I couldn't be there for you when they did. But your dad now has a new girl friend.. and he never is with you anymore. I promise ill be here for you now. I dont know what it feels like to be ignored by your parent that you are really close to because they have a new person in their life. But i do know that everything will get better, i promise. Life will get better. And thank you for always being there, to stop me from cutting and to listen to me when im crying. Even at 3 in the morning you'll answer your phone and talk to me until I fall asleep. I don't know where id be without you. Ill never leave you on your own <3
   Nicole- I know your life has been helll from day one. Im sorry. Im sorry that I wasn't your friend way back in the day when everything was crashing down. Im here now. It seems like im always late for people that really need me. Your my best friend. Ill always be here. Don't give up on life. I don't know what id do without you. I think I would die too..
   Katelyn- Your so happy and giggle but i know that your family doesn't treat you right. I watched you cry your heart out not that long ago and I realized how bad it really is. Your perfect to me, everything about you. You don't need all the makeup and the fancy clothes. Your beautiful and I don't know why your own family would tell you different.
   
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7. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
   posted a quote
   January 23, 2011 5:38pm UTC
   Day 24
   No one- I don't have a favorite memory. No kissing in the rain, no magical dates, not anything amazing. I've had a hard life, with many difficult times and memories. But never once have I regretted them. They made me who I am today. i guess every one would be the person that gave me my favorite memory. Every one that's ever been in my life.. made my life. They'll always be a part of me. They made my struggles, they made my happiness, they made me, me. I don't know where Id be without them. Thank you.
   
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8. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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   January 23, 2011 5:33pm UTC
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9. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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   January 15, 2011 4:04pm UTC
   Day 22
   Jon- I know, I'm horrible. But your my weak spot. This would be more like your hundredth chance but i always go back to you. i want to give you another chance but do you know what that would do to me? That would literally ruin me even more. I can't give up everything I have again just for the chance that you could mean it this time.. because I know you don't. You never will. You just use me over and over again. But i love you. And when you love someone all you can do is love them. You can't hate them. Its to hard to try and fake it. I want to be with you but I know its to late. I don't think i could let myself go back into this pain. I want to with everything in me but my head knows i can't always listen to my heart. Your just not something I can let myself go back to.
   
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10. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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    January 15, 2011 3:57pm UTC
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11. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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    January 15, 2011 3:52pm UTC
    Day 20
    Jon-It seems like it always comes back to you. I loved you with all my heart. I still do. But the difference is... theres barely anything left of my heart to love with. You took everything I ever knew away from me. I changed because of you. If you never would I came to my school last year I would never of been this hurt. You were the reason I cut, you were the reason all the other guys came after me to use me and play me. You with your big mouth. You told lies about me from day one. If you never would of said those things... Id have A LOT less regrets. How does that make you feel? That you were the cause of me going through hell last year. Hmm. i bet you like it. I've said enough about you in these letters but i want you to know a few things. 1: I love you, I still do, Always did and as far I see I always will.. 2: I'm doing my hardest to get you out of my life. You trying to come in, isn't helping. Why wont you give up? 3: I want to know why you do this to me. you know what the outcome is, you know it kills me. But you still do it. Are you really that sick? Do you get joy out of the pain you cause me. Its always me though. I'm the only girl you ever go back to over and over again. Is it because I'm just that easy to fool? Or is there a good reason. I want to know why. But you will never tell me. Will you? 4: I want you out of my life. You caused enough damage to me to last me a life time. I don't even know who I am anymore because of you. 5: Don't come back. 6: You were my first love..
    
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12. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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    January 15, 2011 3:39pm UTC
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13. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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    January 11, 2011 4:08pm UTC
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14. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
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    January 10, 2011 10:14pm UTC
    Day 17
    Luke- We hate each other now, I don't quite understand how everything went down. We were so young, we were best friends. You lived in the house right next door. Everyday we would hangout and play. We had some amazing times. When i think back to my childhood your the first thing that comes into mind. Theres so many great memories. But one day you moved away, i was completely heartbroken. Back then i thought i loved you but i was about 7. i didn't know what i was talking about. You moved back a couple years ago and ever since then we've hated each other and to be honest I hate it. We were such good friends and now its nothing. I miss you and i miss our childhood.
    
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15. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
    posted a quote
    January 10, 2011 10:08pm UTC
    Day 16
    Shannon- We've had some amazing times. I've known you since I was little and we see each other at least once a year. Your amazing and a great friend. Your fun to be with and i know i can tell you anything. I know you live in Canada and i live in America but that has never stopped us before from being great friends. <3
    
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16. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
    posted a quote
    January 10, 2011 10:03pm UTC
    Day 15
    Jon- Its funny how the person that hurts you the most is always the person you love and miss the most. I loved you with all my heart, who am i kidding, i still love you. Its just gotten to the point where i literally cant physically show it anymore. That's how much you hurt me. Even through everything you put me through, after everything you did to me and how many times you did it, i miss you the most out of everyone. You'll never fully understand the pain you caused me, the effects that came out of it, and the love I have for you. Was I not good enough? Was I to much to handle? Or did you just not care that someone loved you with everything they had. Which was it? Do you even know why you did it? Or was it just some game, and you chose me out of ever choice you had. It doesn't matter your reason because it was fate, it was supposed to happen. But I don't understand why fate had to give me you half way for a whole year than fully take you away, its just not fair. I loved you and i wanted to be with you. But it will never happen again. You and me both know that. i miss you more than anything in the world. Its scary but at the same time it lets me know i have feelings. You'll always be in my heart. Ill always want you with me but it will never happen. Your forever going to be the person i miss the most.
    
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17. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
    posted a quote
    January 10, 2011 9:53pm UTC
    Day 14
    Hayley- I don't know what happened to us, we were such great friends, me, you, and Rachel. Me and Rachel never got along, you knew that. When everything went down in sixth grade we were no longer friends with Rachel. But over that summer we just never saw each other, we slowly forgot each other. I'm sorry. You were such a great friend and you were always there. I still miss having you as a friend even if that was years ago. I'm sorry for how everything ended.
    
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18. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
    posted a quote
    January 7, 2011 4:25pm UTC
    Sorry I'm not perfect♥ ///
    /// ♥ Sorry I have my flaws.
    ♥ But that doesn't mean I'm ♦
    ♦ not worth anything at all.♥
    
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19. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
    posted a quote
    January 6, 2011 6:15pm UTC
    Day 13
    Jon- You. Out of all people, you are the one that i cant forgive. I've been through hell in back through the last year. I've been betrayed by many best friends, had rumors start about me from the people i trusted the most, been told it was all my fault by my parents, I've made dumb decisions, and many people have tried and succeeded on ruining my life. Its hard. its hard not to run up to you and kiss you with everything in me. Its hard to see you and know everything that happened and everything we had is over. Theres no going back this time. I know that and you know that. But I loved you. I loved you with everything in me. I've never felt that way before. Ever. From the moment we started talking i was in complete love with you. Its horrible, i know. It sounds like a pathetic little love sick girl telling her boyfriend she loves him after an hour of dating, but it wasn't like that. You were never mine. I wished and wished, but did it ever happen? No. because you only used me, you played me and destroyed me. You would be here & tell me you love me but then the next day you wouldn't talk to me. I really thought it was real this time but i guess i was wrong. I knew your games but i gave in each and every time because all i wanted to be, was to be with you. that's all. Its torture. I hope you know that. Through this all I loved you without any holding back but now, now i know i cant do that. You'll only break my heart. I know this was a good part of my fault and i know that. I know i shouldn't of believed your lies but i cant forgive you for breaking my heart. You'll never be forgiven or trusted. I know that for a fact. I wish it wasn't like that. I wish we could be together still but i know that wont happen, it never will.
    
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20. Brokenxapartxbecausexofxyou
    posted a quote
    January 5, 2011 3:35pm UTC
    Secret #8
    I like my boyfriend. ♦ Still love him. ♦ Like this *other* guy <<<
    >>> & think I'm falling for my best friend
    ► what's wrong with me?
    
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