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BittersweetMemory

Cammie
posted a quote
April 21, 2013 4:34pm UTC

"I babysat this six year old, and I was wearing shorts today..
and my scars were showing, I guess. He poked them and he said, "I know how those got there." I replied, "How?" He looked at me with a straight face and he said, 'I've seen them before. My big sister had them, and she said mean people put them on your body when they weren't nice to you, because when people are mean to you, you end up being mean to yourself. My big sister went away. I don't know where she went. Mommy said she's on a happy vacation somewhere, because she was too sad here. I miss her. Don't go on a vacation, please.'"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1162 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
February 15, 2013 8:41pm UTC

I passed a real gentleman in Boston a few weeks ago.
Dude (into cellphone): I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR F//CKING JAW. THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? YOUR F//CKING JAW. I'M GONNA BREAK--hold on, give me a second. There's a lady walking by.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1059 points

kristabff
posted a quote
April 21, 2013 2:14pm UTC

A white m&m comes into a room with candy friends.
White m&m: ~engages conversation with a mentos and jellybean~
Jellybean: Hey so where are you from anyway, white m&m?
White m&m: Oh I'm from that chocolate m&m bag over there!
Jellybean: Wait... if you're from a CHOCOLATE m&m bag, then why are you white??
Mentos: OH MY GOD JELLYBEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST ASK CANDIES WHY THEY'RE WHITE

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1106 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
January 4, 2013 3:23pm UTC

when you get to that part of a
book where the title suddenly just
makes sense
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1006 points

ThatsSoMeee
posted a quote
February 8, 2013 4:45pm UTC

I would be
an awful parent.
My kid would say
“I don’t wanna go to school, I just wanna sleep”
and I’d probably get in bed with them and say
“I feel you”

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1066 points

TaintedCorruption
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 2:15pm UTC

Sister: What's a pedestrian?
Me: Ask mom.
Sister: I can't it sounds dirty.
Me: Fine...YOU'RE THE BIGGEST PEDESTRIAN I EVER SEEN!
Sister: MOM SHE CALLED ME A PEDESTRIAN.
Mom: But you are a pedestrain
Sister: *cries*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1115 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
January 25, 2013 2:53pm UTC

You know that quiet girl in class?
Yeah, she goes home and makes fun of all of you on Witty.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1095 points

ThatsSoMeee
posted a quote
February 17, 2013 4:25pm UTC

Every book
you've ever read
is just a different combination
of 26 letters.
Weird, isn't it?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1128 points

yourcool
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 5:57pm UTC

the person who invented marriage was creepy:
"hey, i love you so much, i'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1125 points

ThatsSoMeee
posted a quote
January 12, 2013 4:36pm UTC

I want a boy
who would shove ice cream in my face.
Who will wrestle with me.
Who shows me off to his friends.
Who treats me with respect.
Who will call me at 4 in the morning
and tell me he can’t stop thinking about me.
Who sings to me; even if he can’t.
Who could break my heart,
but wouldn’t even dream of it.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1221 points

yourcool
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 6:20pm UTC

i'm seriously considering filling my pockets with
glitter and whenever someone near me says something really stupid or rude, i'll just reach into my pocket with a dead expression and realease the glitter into the sky above their head and watch it shower over them like a baptism of stupid.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1462 points

Connork11
posted a quote
January 15, 2013 4:21pm UTC

"It's not that cold out!" Said the P.E teacher with a coat on
"It's just drizzling!" Said the P.E teach with an umbrella
"Running for 20 minutes isn't that bad!" Said the P.E teacher sitting in a chair
"You've got to stay healthy!" Said the P.E teacher that is over-weight
"Being on your period is no excuse!" Said the P.E teacher with no unterus.
NMQ

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1471 points

๑°`°º¤ø тнe_ιмpoѕѕιвle_gιrl_wнo_waιтed ø¤º°`°๑ *
posted a quote
November 28, 2013 4:07pm UTC

The awkward “I don’t want to annoy you but I really like talking to you” stage.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 130 points

Breeze
posted a quote
December 3, 2013 6:06pm UTC

uGLy CHRiSTMaS SWeaTeRS
are not ugly. they're freaking adorable.
Format by Breeze

👍 this is good · read the comments · 133 points

capsized*
posted a quote
December 19, 2013 9:18pm UTC

HOW TO BE SKINNY
1. Notice that your body is covered in skin.
2. Say, "Wow, I'm skinny."
Congratulations, you're skinny.

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happiest*
posted a quote
November 30, 2013 2:55pm UTC

when I was 10 I had a boyfriend on runescape and his name was Xdoomxxlordx and I gave him my password and one day I logged in and he’d left me a message that said “I’m so sorry Joella” because he stole everything I owned including all my money and then left me with nothing but a chicken suit

👍 this is good · read the comments · 147 points

Picturesque Wonderland.*
posted a quote
December 10, 2013 6:49am UTC

"Show me your scars," he said.
"But.. why?" she asked.
"I want to see how many times you
needed me and I wasn't there."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 178 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
December 20, 2013 6:08pm UTC

i don't friend zone people, i relationship zone them. you wanna be my friend? too bad, we're dating.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 198 points

* Sabaism *
posted a quote
December 3, 2013 1:18am UTC

Witty Logic:
Wittian: Witty needs more members!
Friend: Witty *Looks over Wittian's shoulder* What's that?
Wittian: *X's out of window like it's pòrn* It's uh... It's... Nothing. It's nothing.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 150 points

*crybaby*
posted a quote
December 4, 2013 1:53am UTC

Do other people pretend to sleep so they don't have to deal with interacting with other human beings or is it just me?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 157 points

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