he asked what was wrong with me. So I sat there, staring at him. dead in the eyes. I laughed. I laughed hard. He then looked very, very.. confused. I smiled, leaned in real close, and wispered right in his ear, "Im sick." I bit his earlobe gently.
I hate that stupid neclace you always were. I hate the freckles on your shoulders. I hate your big ice blue eyes. I hate your long black hair that you never wash enough. I hate the way you always smell like menthol cigarettes and stale coffee. I hate the way you bite your lip when you are happy to see me. I hate all of your stupid tattoos. I hate the way you bite my neck. I hate your collorbones, and your hipbones. I hate your stupid septum peircing. I hate your ugly pointy nose. I hate how you are so much taller then me. I hate the way you love my hair when its messy. I have to hate you. I love that stupid neclace you were. I love the freckles on your shoulders. I love your big ice blue eyes. I love your long black hair, and the fact that you never wash it. I love that you are a dirty hippie. I love the way you always smell like menthol cigarettes and stale coffee, I love the way you bite your lip whenever you are happy to see me, I love all your awesome tattoos, I love the way it feels when you bite my neck, I love your collarbones and hipbones. I love your awesome septum peircing, I love your beautiful, pointed nose. I love how you are twice my size in height. I love the way you mess up my hair... Im too scared to love you.
I dont want to eat, I dont want to sleep, I dont want to talk, I dont want to write, I dont want to sing, I dont want to dance, I cant laugh. I just want to cut, but I dont even have the strength to pick up the blade. I dont want to move, but my wrists are screaming. Please dont let me do this to my self again. please.
2012: -stopped cutting -had my dog die - my grandma died -my grandpa died -my other grandpa died -my friend tried to kill himself, almost didnt make it -started cutting again -stopped smoking -told my mom im bisexual - lost my bestfriend -started smoking again -started cutting again -had my first real boyfriend -got my cuts kissed^ -found out my boyfriend was in love with my sister -showed my therapist my cuts -went to a rave -worked at a haunted house -got a call from my ex when he got out of jail -wrote ^him letters from a mental hospital -tried to kill myself -went camping -found out my grandma died -went to ^her funeraul -saw my grandpa for the last time -painted my first painting -had my first kiss under the mistletoe -read my first comic book -saw everyones true colors -bought my first sweater -lost my virginity -switched highscools -shaved half my head - burned all my bad memories in a fire place at 12:01 (jan, 1st)
He taught me that everything will be okay. Always, no matter what, everything will work out fine, and I will make it through to the end. But theres one problem... I dont want my everything to be okay, without him.
-no Im just tired. -then sleep. -all I ever do is sleep. "Every one hates you, You are sick. You are fat, ugly, and stupid. you are a wh*re. You are a whale. Nobody likes you. you are a b*tch. Just kill yourself, it doesnt matter. no one will care. your parents are dissapointed in you. your friends all secretly hate you. thats right, your just tired, your always tired. dont worry about me, im fine. Im not hungry, I already ate. My cat did it! It was the dog. He doesnt like you, none of them like you. they all secretly hate you. they are all looking at you. you look ugly, he doesnt like you because of your thighs, your hair isnt good enough. even he thinks your annoying. You dont have anxiety, you dont, you dont, you dont. Your fine." The voices wont shut up.
Everyone wonders why I want to work all night at this haunted house, the hours are awful, and i dont get paid, and i work outside in the cold all night, rain or shine, or hail, or snow lol but no one understand that I made a family there. I love everyone that works there, because I dont feel like an outcast, they are all just like me. I can say what I want freely and everyone agrees or atleast respects my opinon i just love it there. and next saturday is my last night. and im so upset because I know I will never find a place were im soo happy.