When you walked away, you thought you'd won. You thought you'd won because she loved you more than you loved her. And that just wasn't enough for you. When you walked away that last time--sent that last text--had that last call--you thought you'd had the last word. The best argument. You were content because you were right--and she wasn't--and it ended, just like you knew it would. And so when you imagine her now, she's still crying by the phone. Loving you. Wishing you'd call. Thinking you're the best and only person she can ever be with. You see her in that puddle of self-doubt that you worked so hard to build into her. Well, stop. And let me clarify a few things for you. First of all, she's not there, waiting by the phone. She no longer thinks about all those good times you had, wondering if you're ever going to come back. Actually, she hardly thinks of you at all. When you stopped loving her, something happened to her. Something huge. That's actually the one--one--thing she credits you with. You taught her to love herself enough to know when someone wasn't loving her enough. And that is exactly what she needed. To finally, finally start loving herself. So hey, you didn't break her, darling. She wouldn't give you that power. That girl loved you in a way that you're never going to find again but are always going to look for. And trust me, you will look for it. But as for her? She's not the same girl she was. She is strong and independent and confident. She is open and loving and free. So when you think of her (and I know you will), just know this: you never broke her. The only thing you did was push her to the edge. Like, right to the edge. But she didn't jump, darling. She flew.
Aria_98 posted a quote
February 12, 2017 8:35pm UTC
Remove the old texts from your phone, the messages that gave you hope, that made you believe that the two of you could be something. Delete them all. Don't give yourself the opportunity to search for meaning. Maybe at one time these messages would signify a future, but now they are simply the past. Let them be so. Delete those texts. And then erase the tough texts, too, the ones where he took too long to reply, the ones where he told you he wasn't looking for anything serious. Get rid of the texts that confirmed your worst fears: he was not invested in you and never would be. You got the information you needed. No need to keep opening the wounds. Erase the texts. It's okay. And now scroll to his name one last time. And almost send him a message. Draft out a declaration saying you still want to be friends, even though you both know that's not true. Lace together these beautiful lies stitched with hope and good intentions, and hover your thumb above "Send". But instead, backspace it all. And then delete his number. Stare at your phone for a minute to let it sink in that you won't be reaching out to him on your toughest nights and that he won't be the one to comfort you. You won't get to hear how his mom is doing, you won't get to see him on New Years Eve. Let it all sink in that his name is no longer going to pop up on your screen when he gets home from school. He is no longer a part of your life and you are no longer a part of his. And this is okay. You are okay. Now put your phone down. Walk away from it all for a while. Feel the distinct mixture of sadness and freedom pumping through your veins, the feeling that only comes with the end of something painful and the begining of something more. Be proud- you deleted his number, which is one step closer to removing him from your heart.
Aria_98 posted a quote
January 23, 2017 11:31am UTC
Why is it I can cut him off so easily when I see him using me and lying to me but when it comes to you I can't stop myself from texting back. I can't stop myself from wanting to give you what you want and somehow manage to convince myself that you actually care when I know very well that I mean nothing to you. That I never meant anything to you.
In another universe, you don't cling to me like cobwebs, sticky and unseen. In this life, you've never touched me at all. In another universe, I don't have to write bad poetry about your mouth cause I've never kissed it, I don't know that you taste like bourbon. In another universe, I can still drink without thinking about your tongue. In another universe, my hands are never near your hands and my bed is always empty but still feels full with just me in it. In another universe, I've never met you and I don't wish for you. Everyone always says, in another life, I will love you better. I will love you longer and shake the stars from the sky. Well I say, in another universe, I will never love you at all. This will be my rebirth and my baptism because in this world where your hands don't exist, I am finally free.