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Amenah

  1. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    July 1, 2016 11:25pm UTC
    i am a toxic wasteland
    and you are over-estimating your hardiness.
    i think it's time for you to g i v e u p n o w .

  2. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    July 1, 2016 11:05pm UTC
    you're going to hate me

  3. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    July 1, 2016 10:58pm UTC
    And you look in the mirror, and you stretch the skin on your cheekbones; watch as your fingers pull your eyes from shape to shape to shape. And you tell that person staring back at you, with sharp cheekbones and dull dead eyes, you say to that person
    you dont have to die
    you don't have to die
    it's going to get better
    it's going to heal
    you don't have to die
    And you turn away from the mirror, and drop your hands.

  4. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    July 1, 2016 10:53pm UTC
    s t r e s s e d
    o p p r e s s e d
    n o t e v e n w e l l d r e s s e d

  5. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 30, 2016 5:51am UTC
    I'm giving myself whiplash with how quickly I'm changing from one person to the next. One second I'm this type of kid and a few months later I have to fix things up again because I've changed so much. It's not a bad thing. I don't know if it's a good thing, either, although I'm inclined to say it is. It's just... fast, so fast, so much faster than I've seen for anyone else and it's almost frightening like that. And I wonder who, in the end, I will be. lkjl

  6. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 30, 2016 5:42am UTC
    I want to skype with you. I like you a lot and I'm lucky to have you. You're so cool and clever and kind. I want to talk to you more and I want us to hang out more and spend more time getting to know the other. I think we could be really good friends -- no just knowing the other, but actively being in each others lives.

  7. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 30, 2016 5:36am UTC
    june's parts of me
    1. i can sleep when i'm dead
    2. is that a challenge?
    3. sunflowers and streams
    4. i'll do better
    5. burnt bridges
    6. sugar canes grow back
    7. i hope so
    8. hello

  8. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 30, 2016 5:27am UTC
    The truth is I have two sisters, and I'm not close with any of them. I don't have any pictures of me with my friends from high school -- at all. I haven't spoken in person to anyone who isn't my family properly for a month, maybe more. So don't ask how my day has been because odds are it's the same as yesterday.

  9. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 30, 2016 4:55am UTC
    If anyone's got any advice on being softer or kinder, my tip jar is open. My edges have become too sharp.

  10. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 25, 2016 11:38am UTC
    Nights downtown; it's a new town, but I keep thinking I see your face in the crowd. But you're not here,
    a n d y o u w o n ' t b e
    because you love me enough to let go of me. lkjsdlfkjasdlfkj

  11. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 25, 2016 11:01am UTC
    I think a lot of people forget when they're talking to me that I'm sick. I'm not well. I think they forget that I have to take medicine I'm afraid of every day, and there are no days when a voice in my head doesn't say 'just kill yourself' -- at stupid mundane times, like in the middle of reading a book or writing a text or washing the dishes or locking the front door. For no apparent reason, the voice says 'I'm going to kill myself', even when I don't think it's been a bad day or anything. It's become a part of my mental lexicon, just as much as 'thank you' and 'sorry'. Reliably, every day -- just kill yourself. I am not well, and even the people who know seem to forget because I don't talk about it. I wish it was as easy for me to forget. But that's not the case.

  12. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 10:55am UTC
    I need to stop hoarding. I'm going to delete the old accounts, unfollow, forget. This can't go on forever. . .....

  13. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 10:19am UTC
    Is this part of the deal? You start caring enough, and suddenly you start worrying every little thing you say makes them hate you? Or is it anxiety talking? .....

  14. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 8:00am UTC
    me: [shows anyone the slightest vulnerability]
    me: well glad that's done back to my cave and isolation for thirty-seven years

  15. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 7:33am UTC
    If you want to wear the lipstick, wear the lipstick. The permission you're waiting is never going to come. ..

  16. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 7:25am UTC
    This is what you don't get to do. You don't get to ask why we never talk when you ignore my messages or emails. You don't get to tell me you'll be here to talk as soon as I'm ready when, the moment I am, you disappear. You don't get to make me feel guilty when time has proven you're just as bad. You don't get to say you want to know me, when you gave up halfway through. This is what you don't get to do anymore.

  17. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 7:16am UTC
    Do you feel like you belong somewhere? Do you know where your home is? Do you recognise the soil where your roots have taken hold? Is it what you wanted? ...

  18. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 7:13am UTC
    I keep seeing all these users I want to talk to but feel too shy to or don't trust myself to not screw up that conversation somehow and it's e m b a r r a s s i n g asljkdf

  19. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2016 7:01am UTC
    How do you translate it to real life? That feeling, that mix of so much emotion and so many conflicting thoughts. I first thought it was an accident -- that you hadn't meant to send it to me, because honestly, who'd think something like that about me? Who would be so kind as to tell me? So brave as to bear their heart to someone as clumsy as I am. And also, I don't know what to do, because I never ever had those talks with anyone -- I didn't send texts that left my hung-up for days, I didn't empty my heart out in the rain or after heartbreaks, and all 3am conversations left me as the listener. I don't know how what tradition demands here; I have no experience in these sorts of talks. And I'm scared, but more, I'm... so happy. So happy I could cry. And I dont know how to tell you that without feeling so embarrassed I want to curl up in a ball and hide my face for days. I want to tell you what you've come to mean to me too -- more, I want you to know what I want and what I hope for too. But I don't know how, I don't know what you'll laugh at, what you'll find funny, what's out of line, what's not enough and what's too much. The only words I can think of right now are thank you. Thank you, and give me a moment. Give me time to find my own words for you, too. ♡

  20. Amenah Amenah
    posted a quote
    June 17, 2016 3:44am UTC
    I made myself too stressed about my favourite hobby and now I'm loafing around because I want!! to!! write!! but also... don't.

:)

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