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Status: slowly mending my broken heart..

Member Since: 10 Jun 2012 02:19pm

Last Seen: 23 Sep 2012 06:13pm

Location: Hell

Gender: F

user id: 307361

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That girl up in the left hand side of your screen? Thats me.
Im a bottled up mess of emotions with serious trust issues.
  1. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2012 11:55am UTC
    I just want someone who cares.
    Someone who doesnt walk away when things get rough.
    Someone who realizes relationships aren't easy.
    Someone i can trust.
    Someone whose committed.
    I just want someone who cares.
    Someone who loves me for me.

  2. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 19, 2012 8:29pm UTC
    Hey wittians.
    I just wanted to say goodbye. At least maybe some of you will read this. and maybe you'll even feel something..
    I've recently lost the love of my life..
    I cant cope with this.. i've been trying for the last 4 weeks but its too hard. Its too much pain.
    I cant deal.
    I love him. He's my everything and he's my best friend. He's all i have. But i dont have anything now.
    he doesnt want me.
    i cant live with the feeling of not being wanted by the only person i truly care about.
    im never going to be good enough.
    so tonight..
    i've decided im going to end my life.
    I love you Ryan ♥

  3. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 14, 2012 8:31pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 10
    But i was wrong.
    Once i he'd left and i'd gone inside to finish explaining to my parents that it wasn't my fault he was here. I didnt know he was coming and its not like we had done anything but talk anyway. That's if you count extreme kissing as talking. After i'd finished "explaining myself" i grabbed the house phone and ran to my room. I sat there and waited for him to call.
    The phone never rang.
    "why am i so stupid!!!!!" I slapped myself on the forehead.
    I'd fallen for his bullcrap again. Fallen for his lies. All he was doing was trying to keep me close incase it didnt work out with his new girl. I was just back up. As usual. Boys always seem to look past the nice, and caring girls, and instead they see the who res. The bi tches that only minipulate their brains just to make themselves feel better. God forbid if they ever actually felt something for one of them.
    I slapped my forhead again. Then once more. I didnt stop until my hand started to burn. I had been sitting in my room for what seemed like hours since he'd left. I searched my room for my cell phone, finding it on the floor near my window. I clicked the clear button, and it lit up telling me it was 10:23.
    I had school tomorrow. It was the last day. Im just going to skip. There's no point in going now. He's just going to act like none of this happened anyway.
    I called my voicemail to see if he'd tried to call and had left a message. Just as the operator began to speak to tell me to enter my password, there was a faint beep. I held the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen.
    New Text Message From:
    sent: 7:34
    delivered: 10:37
    "Can i bring you home after school tomorrow?"
    sorry for the delay readers! i haven't had wifi :(
    hope you all are still reading <3

  4. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 10, 2012 1:07pm UTC
    do you think that we could play another game?
    maybe I could win this time.
    I kinda like the misery you put me through.

  5. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 9, 2012 8:19pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 9
    I ran out of the room and out to the kitchen.
    "Why is he here.." She looked me in the eyes. I looked down.
    "Mom, we're just talking, i-i dont know why he's here. But we're just talking."
    "Either you make him leave, Or i will." She demanded.
    I ran back into my room to find Ryan already getting up. I was scared to let him go. what if he didnt come back? What're you going to do if he leaves you again Kat? Your not strong enough.
    "Lets go outside!" I sputtered. He was already walking past me.
    Once my mom saw him, i was scared for his life for some reason. She was furious.
    "I dont know why your here! You sure have some nerve showing up!" She was yelling.
    Ryan kept walking, only stopping to put his sneakers on, and walk out the door. Me, not thinking about my mom standing there, followed him. I couldn't just let him leave again. I couldn't loose him again. Not again.
    "Kat you get back in here!" Mom demanded.
    I kept walking, following Ryan to his truck and jumping in the passenger seat across from him.
    "Where are you going..." I stuttered. Please dont say your leaving.
    "I should probablly go home. Your family hates m-"
    "They dont hate you, they just hate how you treat me.."
    "Your moms going to kill me.. I dont wanna leave. But i cant go back inside."
    I opened my mouth to argue but he kept talking.
    "I should go in there and talk to her.."
    Just then my father pulled up the driveway. Shitttttttt. Things couldnt get worse. I felt Ryan suck in, holding his breathe like i was. But to our suprise, my dad just parked his car and went inside. Not even awknoleding Ryan. I knew he was going to go and yell at my mother for letting Ryan be here. He was just as angry as she was, he just doesnt show it. He always made mom do everything. She was his puppet. He pulled the strings and she did what he wanted.
    "Are you going to leave.." I held back my tears. I knew he was going to. Then he'd go home and forget completely about this whole thing.
    "Kat, i really dont want too. I wish i could take you with me.. I should go talk to them." He looked at the house.
    I looked too. Mom was standing on the deck at the top of the stairs starring at us, in the truck together. Why does my life have to be like a movie, when i least want it to be? I cant have a stupid romantic love movie. No, instead i get one of the drama/horror movies. Yay me.
    He started the truck. I looked at him, scared and confused. He was leaving. Again.
    Only this time i knew, he wasnt coming back.

  6. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2012 10:32pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 8
    part 2
    I dont know what i was thinking. I guess i wasn't thinking. We just kept kissing. He rolled on top of me, and we kept kissing. I finally pulled away, pushed him off of me and scooted a few inches away from him. He looked at me inisantly. Just like he always did. He never did anything wrong. He as Mr. perfect. Everything always seemed to be my fault, but when it wasn't my fault and i was upset about it, it was "no big deal". He'd never listened to my feelings, or maybe we'd still be together. Maybe i wouldnt of tried to kill myself if he would of at least listened to me. Maybe, just maybe.
    I just wanted him to know how i felt.
    It didnt seem to matter to him. He'd came here knowing i'd come crawling right back to him. I was desperate. I loved him. Not just the stupid little kid kind of love either. I was totally head over heels for this boy. And it seemed like he could care less. He just kept hurting me.
    Its my fault really. I was the one who kept going back to him. But can you blame me? I loved the guy, he was my bestfriend. F uck. He was my life. Even if he didnt love me like i loved him, i was determined to make it happen. And i wasnt going to give up either.
    I looked at him to see him starring at me. His eyes puffy. Then they widened.
    "What?" I asked him.
    "Someone's here.."
    Sh it.
    Sorry for the delay guys. I've been really stressed out lately, and couldnt bring myself to keep writing. But i hope i havent lost any of you readers!
    Thanks for sticking with me ♥

  7. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2012 5:03pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 8
    part one
    "You still love me..?" i choked out the words.
    "Kat, i always will. I almost died today.. A-"
    "So you have to almost die to realize you love me?" I was furious.
    "No! It just made me realize how stupid i was and how much i love you"
    "You don't love me. You keep hurting me. You dont do that to someone you love. You dont hurt someone you love and make them depressed. You dont even wanna know how bad you've hurt me this time!" I flashed back to waking up in the woods, then to the bridge.
    Both failed suicidal attempts. I wonder what he would do if he knew that, would he care?
    I looked at him, his eyes brimmed red and swollen. Holding back tears. They mirrored mine. This all made no sense to me. He breaks up with me for no reason, then shows up to my house saying he loves me. I thought he hated me. He was mean enough.
    "You don't have to believe me.. bu-"
    "So you came here thinking that you were gonna get me back by crying and telling me that you almost died?" I cut him off. "What did you expect by coming here?"
    "No, no i didnt expect that. I didnt even think you'd let me in. But i came anyway. I hoped for the best i guess. I just had to tell you.. But i do love you, but you dont have to believe me. I just want you to know. I care about you and i never stopped." He looked me in the eyes.
    I dont know why i did it. I was so angry at him for doing this to me again. Breaking my heart just to come back as to say "just kidding!"
    But i kissed him.
    And he kissed back.
    ♥ thanks for reading ♥

  8. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 5, 2012 6:56pm UTC
    Cause i cant get enough,
    Can't stop the hunger for your love.
    What a beautiful mess I made .. ♥

  9. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 4, 2012 9:52pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 7
    Part 2
    Once in the house, we went to my room downstairs and sat on the bed. He was starring at me. I looked down at my hands folded in my lap. This was awkward. You don't dump a girl for no reason then show up at her house a week later. What could he possibly want. Maybe his stuff. Or maybe he just wanted to yell at me. Tell me how stupid i am. Tell me how much he hates me and loves this new Shelby girl. His best friend had told me that they were planning to go to the movies together. Jerk. Nice to see how easily you can get over me.
    "Um.." I said under my breath, but loud enough so he could hear.
    He stood up and walked to the window, fidling with his hands.
    "I almost died today Kat."
    "I was cutting down trees with Dad and one fell the wrong way, almost crushed me.."
    "Ohh.." I said confused.
    What did this have to do with me?
    "Yes.. So when that tree was coming at me, i thought about you." He looked at me. "All i was worried about was you."
    I became mad. Did he come here thinking i was going to get back together with him? He ignored me for a week and a half then decides before he's about to "die" that he still wants me. What. The. H ell.
    "So what?" I grimanced.
    He came over to me and sat on the bed next to me.
    "I just wanted you to know.. I still love you." He sniffled. Crying.
    Tell me what you think about my story? I'd love feedback :)

  10. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 3, 2012 10:09pm UTC
    Those boys who dont know how to treat girls..
    make life so difficult

  11. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 2, 2012 8:30pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 7
    part one
    "Arr you hom?" He asked.
    "What?" He was coming in bad, i couldn't understand him.
    "Im coming oer" He kept talking.
    I hung up, it was hopeless trying to understand him. And why was he even calling me! UHH. whatever. I flopped back on my bed, throwing my phone across my room. I was downstairs in "Camerons room". We were in the middle of trading rooms and the only thing left of mine in his room was my dresser. I had been sleeping upstairs the last few days, trying to get away from my family. But right now i was downstairs. I layed on my bed wondering why he'd called me. I didnt wonder for long. I heard someone pull up my driveway, and ran to the front door to see. It was him. Here! At my house. What.The.H ell.
    I opened the front door and stood there, looking at him get out of his truck. It was the first time i'd seen him since we'd broken up. I would always look away when i had to walk by him in school. Why me? He was walking towards me, and i just stood there. I had to be dreaming. WAKE UP KAT. I didnt, this was really happening. He had made it up the stairs and was standing next to me.
    "Hey.." He sighed.
    "What're you doing here?" I asked him sternly.
    "Here to see you.."
    My brain was going crazy.
    "Wanna see where we buried Koko?" I asked stupidly. It was the only way i could stall this, whatever this was. I knew it was going to be bad. How could it be good?
    We walked up to the meadow and stood by the grave.
    "Cameron was crying.. It was sad..." I managed to say.
    "I bet.." He said awkwardly. "Kat, can we talk?"
    "Um, yeah.." I headed back towards the house, he followed.

  12. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 2, 2012 7:38pm UTC
    Guess its better to be boring old me than something im not

  13. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    August 1, 2012 9:40pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 7
    Part 1
    One more day left until i was officially a Junior. Well, thats if 2 hours counts as a school day. I'd asked my best friend Kaden, if he would unlock Ryan's locker for me, the day of the regents, so i could get all of my things. Ryan had already returned all of the pictures of me he had. I'd felt like i had commited a crime when i broke into his locker, and got my things as fast as i could. I'd noticed that he still had the piece of my chewed up gum stuck to his locker door. I'd put that there at the beggining of the year, it was sort of a tradition. He also still had a magnet with my name on it in there too. But that was yesterday. Today was Thursday, and tomorrow was the last day of school. I was lounged out on my bed, home alone as usual. I wasnt doing anything, just laying there. I'd lost the closeness i'd had with all my friends since i'd been with Ryan. Instead i filled up all my free time with him, and not them. That's why the break-up had been so hard for me, no one was there anymore. And my family, it was like i was invisible, unless they needed something done around the house. Most the time now i would spend it alone in my room, ruining my brain by thinking about you. But today felt different for some reason. I went over to my curtains to let the sunshine in. I decided that i should go water the flowers around Koko's grave, the heat was probablly killing them. I filled up a watering can with the hose and headed for the meadow. I followed the path that had been made by all of my families feet to the grave. My dad and Cameron had found a giant bolder and we used that as a headstone. I watered all of his flowers and then sat down next to the hump of dirt.
    "Im sorry." I whimpered. "It shouldn't of ended like this, I-I, We all thought you were getting better..
    You shouldn't of died for me.. I asked for it, not you. Im so sorry."
    Tears silently rolled down my cheek as i put my hand on the patch of dirt.
    "But i wanna thank you anyway. Thank you for giving your life in place of mine,
    so that i could have a second chance. I dont deserve it, but thank you."
    And with that i picked up the watering can and headed back to the house. Once in my bedroom i flopped down on the silky sheets again. My phone, that was in my window sill, started violently shaking. I reached up to grab it, the screen said someone from restricted was calling me. I answered it.
    "Hello?" I questioned.
    "Kat? Its me." Ryan breathed.
    Hey Readers! I hope you enjoy my story! And for all of you who have been sticking with me, I thought i'd let you in on a little secret. THIS IS A TRUE STORY. Yupp, for real. I'd love to hear what you guys think of it, dont be afraid to give me feedback, Thank you <3

  14. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2012 8:30pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 6
    Part 2
    The next morning i woke up to my phone reminding me that i had to get up and catch the bus to my chemistry regents. I rolled out of my bed and tried to run a brush through thick, snarly, curly brown hair. It was usless. Instead i settled for a messy bun on the top of my head and some mascara. I never used foundation because it was pointless, i had too many freckles. My small nose was plastered with them, but i was greatful i never got bad acne. I pulled on some skinny jeans that i had to struggle with to get over my huge soccer calves. Then i threw on an oversized red, Arizona Cardnills t-shirt. I checked myself over in my mirror, seeing the note Ryan had written on it, and the bloody scissors on the floor in front of it. I quickly looked away and headed for the stairs. Me, being completely clumbsy, tripped on the very top step and tumbled down all 18 stairs. Stunned by my utter stupidity i layed there, at the bottom of the staircase. Then i heard the bus, jumped to my feet and headed for the side door. Since my white stone driveway was about a mile long i had to run like a wild-woman to the bus stop. I walked down the narrow aisle to my seat. Since it was regents week there was just elementary children on the bus, along with the kids in the grade above me who had to take the regents. Yes, that makes me in advanced classes. Whatta nerd. I know.
    Once at school I went straight to the testing room. The teacher handed me a number 2 pencil and a black inked pen. Then about 5 minutes later, she handed me my booklet. I chewed the end of my pen, staring blankly at question 4 on the multiple choice. F uck. I wrote down an answer that made absolutely no sense, but still made me sound like i new something. After i finished my test i still had to wait 5 minutes till i could leave. Once i could leave, i found my friend Marissa, who was also in my Chemisty class, and went to the parking lot. We found Brant, my friend Harleigh's boyfriend, and got in his truck. He took us home.
    Once back home, the lonelyness, and emptyness returned too. And you'll never guess what i did, that's right i went straight to my room. And stood back in front of my mirror. I read the note from you over and over and over. I looked down at the bloody scissors, picked them up and held them in my hand.
    Then put them in my dresser drawer.

  15. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    July 29, 2012 2:00pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  16. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    July 28, 2012 10:39pm UTC
    The Fighter
    Chapter 5
    I held it firmly in my hand, looking down at it. The loop and the knot. I was inpressed by my capablilty of tying the knot, it was almost perfect. I kept the rope in my hand and sat on the edge of the bridge, dangling my feet. Water rushed underneath it and flowed for miles. I flashed back to a time last summer when me and you had tubbed down this river. We'd stopped along the way at "Our Island", a pile of sand that had built up along the shallow bank. I remember you taking my tube out from under me and throwing it on our island. I remembered you daring me to come up on our island with you, and i did. I remember you tackling me into the warm sand, making mud on my wet body and laughing. I remembered you kissing my face all over before stopping to taste my lips. Im not sure how long i sat there, thinking about you, but the longer i did, the more i longed to be done fighting the pain you'd thrust upon me. My fist tightened around the rope in my hand. I took the end opposite of the knot and tied it to a pole on the side of the bridge. Im going to do it. He won't miss me. He probablly wont even come to my funeral. Second thought, he might bring his new girlfriend to my funeral.
    I scooted more towards the edge of the bridge and stretched the rope up to my head. Then my pocket vibrated. I stil have my phone on me? I slid the unlock button.
    New Text Message From:

  17. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    July 28, 2012 9:59am UTC
    The Fighter
    chapter 4
    I woke up to my mom shaking me.
    "Kat, Im leaving for work now. Don't forget you need to study for your chemistry regents tomorrow. Oh and you'll need to find a ride up to school too cause me and your father are going to be at work. Have a good day, bye."
    I groaned, rolling over and re-covering myself with my blankets. Then yesterdays memories fludded back into my mind, along with thoughts of you, and i was lost in memories. Memories of us. Of you kissing my forehead and pulling me in for a hug, unaware of me inhaling the smell of your deodorant, the smell of you. Memories of us cuddling on the couch laughing at nothing. Memories of us talking on the phone for hours about everything. You were my best friend, you were all i had. You were everything. Now i have nothing.
    I cant do this.
    I got up and headed for the kitchen. Once i had what i wanted i went into the bathroom, shut and locked the doors and sat on the corner of my bath tub. Then i began working. Slicing away my pain, bleeding out my emotions. My wrists screamed of pain and i stopped, washed the evidence down the drain, grabbed a dark colored towel and went back to the kitchen. I washed the blade in the sink and then collapsed at the table, sobbing once again. Cutting was my only way of feeling pain. Without you, i feel empty, numb, and cuttings my only way to know that im still capable of feeling pain. I slowly pulled back the towel off my wrists and surveyed the damage. I felt ashamed. Kat, he didn't give his life for you so that you could keep hurting yourself. He wanted to give you a second chance at life, to make it right. I got out my cell phone and deleted Ryan's number. It didn't really matter since i knew it by heart, but it was a start. Next i texted James, the boy who'd been texting me since he heard i was single, and told him i still loved my ex boyfriend and didnt feel right talking to him. Not like i'd said anything bad to him, he was extremely boring and all we ever talked about was dogs. I sighed and put my phone down on the table. I was going to be mature about this. While you were busy liking random girls pictures on Facebook, texting random girls, and making dates, i would be the mature one and get over you the mature way. By cutting myself? No. By trying to kill myself? That hadn't gone so good the first time. I immediately began planning ways to kill myself again.
    Once in the shed out back of my house i hopped on my bike, bringing the rope and sharpie with me. Mom would be mad if she knew i wasn't studying for my regents, but its not like i'd need to study, i wasnt going to be taking it tomorrow anyway. After i'd pedalled about a 2 and a half miles on the road, it began to hum under my bike. I was on the bridge. I lived out in the middle of nowhere so there was hardly ever traffic on this bridge, and to my luck there was only one house near it. A old lady, Mary, lived there. She couldnt walk and barely ever went out of her house. Using the skills Mr. Gault had taught me in agriculture class i grabbed my rope and tied the knot.
    The Hangmans knot.

  18. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    July 27, 2012 8:23pm UTC
    The Fighter
    chapter 3
    We walked to the edge of our medow to dig a grave for Koko. Cameron had recieved the chocolate lab as a birthday present a few years ago. Koko was only 4 years old and had been fighting cancer for the last 6 months. The last week had been rough on both of us. He had multiple trips to the vet for pain medications, while i was starving and cutting myself trying to handle the break up. Mom had taken him to the vet this morning because of him vomiting, and the vet had decided it was time for him to stop fighting, and put him down. Just like that. Animals don't have to suffer like humans do. Instead they can be relieved of their pain. I was sort of jealous, in a mean cruel way. I wish i didnt have to suffer and deal with all this pain. I wish someone could just end my life for me, simply by giving me a shot. I like to think that God answered my plea for death by instead deciding to give me another chance to be strong. Its a crazy way to look at it, but its my way of dealing with it. Koko gave his life for me so i could have a second chance at life. I watched my father lower the box into the deep hole he'd dug. Cameron sat feet away crying and watching. I stood a few feet behind him, starring, emotionless. Then a wave of anger washed over me. I turned away heading for the house.
    Your so selfish Kat. There you are going to throw your life away when Koko had no choice. Your perfectly healthy, yet you try to hurt yourself like that. He would of loved to of lived longer. Your so selfish.
    I got to my room and flung myself on my bed. I reached for my pillow and smother it in my face, absorbing my tears and muffling my sobs. I don't know for sure how long i layed there like that, crying, but when i finally came to it was getting dark outside. I pulled my blankets up to my chin and looked at my ceiling, thinking absolutely nothing. I still wasn't thinking when i unplugged my phone from my charger, and started texting.
    "I thought you should know, Koko died today. You were as much of a family to him as we were. I just thought you should know."
    Five minutes later he replied:
    "Im sorry."
    I didn't answer. That wasn't the reply message i wanted. But what did i expect? I wanted him to say, how stupid he was for hurting me, and what bad choice he'd made to break up with me. I just wanted a reason. He'd never gave me reason, he'd just ignored me for 3 days then texted me, yes texted me, saying he didnt want me anymore. I understood. Why would anyone want me? Im ugly. Im fat. My teeth are crooked. My hairs frizzy. My face is covered with freckles. My nose is too small. I understood why he didnt want me. But why so sudden? After four years, he just got.. sick of me? I started sobbing again, and didnt stop until i was asleep.
    "Kat, wake up" I did "Kat, I love you."
    "I love you Ryan." I whispered.

  19. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    July 27, 2012 3:16pm UTC
    I wanna be the girl
    you brag to your friends about.
    the girl you show off to the world.
    the girl you love UNCONDITIONALLY

  20. AleveyiaMaieDay AleveyiaMaieDay
    posted a quote
    July 26, 2012 5:56pm UTC
    Yes, As s hole
    I do care about you.


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