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AhoyMattie

Status:

Member Since: 8 Oct 2013 11:17pm

Last Seen: 25 Jan 2020 04:21am

Gender: M

user id: 372981

19 Quotes
51 Favorites
13 Following
11 Followers
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Hi!

Mattie

20 years old

Genderfluid

I'm dealing with a lot of disorders

BPD, Disordered Eating, Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety + many more

I tend to be very distant and take a break now and then


Dealing with being a drop out, getting kicked out and been living in an abusive home

Still figuring out who I really am

I'm a terrible person honestly and usually very depressed

I usually vent about silly things or just straight up awful things

I'm not good at helping people, but I'd love help if you want too

I try to be positive every now and then, but end up failing

I hate my face, body, and everything about me

I don't take compliments very easily so sorry If I offended you by denying it

I try to be a people person every now and then

But please leave comments if you want!

I don't mind






 
  1. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    February 8, 2016 12:47am UTC
    My breathing is getting heavier and my heart beats as if I'm running
    Thinking about you
    Causes this
    Every night

  2. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    January 27, 2016 7:10am UTC
    Always the last thing on your mind.
    I was never a worry in your life.
    Until now.

  3. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    January 27, 2016 7:07am UTC
    I used to call you my snowflake.

  4. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    December 20, 2015 12:04am UTC
    you're on the phone
    with someone who doesn't know
    about your soul and how it
    can't be held by flesh and bone
    and i guess that's fine
    i would never want you to
    stop your life
    but when i saw you both
    with your shoulders touching
    sitting so close
    i knew i'd hold on to this feeling
    i'd hold on to anything at all
    was it my fault
    because i easily confused you
    for someone who would hold my hand
    when things got hard
    when things got dark
    because oh my god
    when they get dark
    they get so dark
    you were always a bad friend
    and you would leave when i got sick
    you never called me on my birthday
    i want to call you on your birthday
    so i'll hold on to this feeling
    i'll hold on to this hate
    for as long as i need
    for it to help me

  5. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    December 19, 2015 11:59pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  6. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    December 19, 2015 12:08am UTC
    At times, I feel overwhelmed and my depression leads me into darkness.

  7. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    December 18, 2015 7:51pm UTC
    The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad.
    You know, when sad tries to bite it’s lip and not cry and smile and go, “No I’m happy for you”?
    That’s when it’s really sad.

  8. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    December 18, 2015 7:49pm UTC
    I spent two years telling myself
    that I was getting better
    but now Im realizing Im not better
    and I don’t think I can handle this by myself anymore

  9. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    December 18, 2015 7:45pm UTC
    Mirror mirror can’t you see?
    What you show me is destroying me.

  10. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    December 13, 2015 8:03pm UTC
    Thank you for forgetting me
    Thank you for not responding to me
    Even when you see my messages
    Thank you

  11. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 24, 2015 11:27pm UTC
    Your lips are razor sharp
    They cut me deeper than the rest

  12. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 22, 2015 6:42pm UTC
    It's been years since I've got a razor and sliced through my skin.
    Tonight was the night where I've done it again.

  13. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 13, 2015 11:03pm UTC
    Why do I think about you?
    You don't care about me anymore.

  14. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 7, 2015 9:50pm UTC
    Something I recalled
    It woke me up, and I got stuck
    Repeating about you
    I know I can be difficult
    Meet me in the hall
    And hook me up
    With honest love
    Whatever comes to you I know
    I can be difficult
    If I run right in that direction
    If I run, who is gonna catch me?
    I feel ten foot tall
    And hopelessly aware that these
    Are temporary spells
    But some would call it therapy
    Meet me in the hall
    And all I ask Is that you catch whatever lands on you
    I know I can be difficult
    If I run right in that direction
    If I run, who is gonna catch me?
    If I run

  15. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 7, 2015 7:09am UTC
    It's funny how I think you still care.
    I was always the last one on your mind so why do I keep acting as if I was the first?
    I've left you time after time.
    Dissapearing month after month.
    Why do I feel like you needed me when I was gone?
    I always apologise saying "I'm sorry I was gone when you needed me."
    But was that really the case? You would've been fine with or without me.
    So why do I think that, to make me feel better?
    Is it just the pain I have for being a coward? To make myself feel better?
    I don't blame you for trying to message me to come back or that you missed me
    because there's no point.
    I left because I was scared.
    Even though you'd never hurt me.
    I'd left because you would do fine without me, and seeing this now, you are.
    So what's the point of staying if you're okay?
    I'd only weigh you down.
    Because that's all I have ever done to you.

  16. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 7, 2015 7:01am UTC
    My palms started to sweat,
    And I fumbled my blade,
    Dropping it into the steaming water.
    Taking deep breaths,
    I calmed myself,
    And pressed it to my thighs.
    I kept digging,
    Listening to my flesh tear,
    And slipped and fell in my own blood.
    A hundred and twenty cuts later,
    My head began to swim.
    I passed out on the floor,
    Behind a locked door.
    Three hours later,
    I woke up.
    I was still covered in blood,
    And my blade was still in my hand,
    I just wish it would have worked,
    Because mopping up all this blood,
    Is making me sick.
    -M.L

  17. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 7, 2015 7:00am UTC
    I must've called a thousand times
    To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
    But when I call you never seem to be home

  18. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    November 7, 2015 6:48am UTC
    It's 5AM
    I'm sitting here with the last of my cigarette
    Crying my eyes out
    Because I'm missing you
    Why?

  19. AhoyMattie AhoyMattie
    posted a quote
    September 27, 2015 5:58am UTC
    It's been a while since we spoke
    One year
    Two years
    Three years
    Have gone by without you

:)

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