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  1. iLL-Legal Alien👽* iLL-Legal Alien👽*
    posted a quote
    November 23, 2013 7:54pm UTC
    "Whatever you give a woman, she will
    make greater.
    If you give her sp.erm, she'll give you
    a baby ;
    If you give her a house, she will
    give you a home ;
    If you give her groceries, she'll give
    you a meal ;
    If you give her a smile, she'll give you her
    heart.
    She multiplies and enlarges what is given to
    her ; so if you give her any cr.ap,
    be prepared to get a ton
    of sh.t. "

  2. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    November 22, 2013 3:11pm UTC
    apparently this kid at our school saw a kitten before getting on the bus so he just. picked it up. and stuffed it in his hood and he had it in the hood the entire day and it just took naps and he fed it his milk during lunch and every time the cat meowed one of the other kids would like cough or sneeze or shuffle so the teacher couldnt hear it and he even let it walk around on the tables in one class and the teacher never saw it it was so precious life is amazing

  3. epictacos epictacos
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2013 12:23am UTC
    How to Successfully Throw A Pick-up Line
    Back in a Guy's Face:
    Boy: Where've you been all my life?
    Girl: Hiding from you.
    Boy: Haven't I seen you some place before?
    Girl:Yes. That's why I haven't gone back there since.
    Man: Is this seat empty?
    Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
    Man:Your place or mine?
    Woman: Both. You'll go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
    Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
    Woman: Do Not Enter.
    Man: I would go to the ends of the earth for you.
    Woman: But would you stay there?
    Man: I'd go through anything for you.
    Woman: Good! Then you can start your journey by going through the door.
    Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
    Woman: Maybe I got your share..
    Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
    Woman: OK. Get out.
    Man: I think I could make you very happy.
    Woman: Why? Are you leaving??
    Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
    Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

  4. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    November 1, 2013 3:36pm UTC
    Me: Dad, I'm cold
    Dad: Go stand in a corner
    Me: Why?
    Dad:
    Me:
    Dad: The corner is 90 degrees.

  5. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    November 2, 2013 4:54pm UTC
    Okay so a guy held a door open and as I was walking I thought in my head ’ thanks mister attractive face” and then he giggled and I realized it wasN’T IN MY HEAD AND HE JUST KEPT GIGGLING LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD

  6. Rolita07* Rolita07*
    posted a quote
    November 3, 2013 4:24am UTC
    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Faces like yours belong in the zoo.
    Don't be mad, Ill be there too.
    Not in the cage, but laughing at you!

  7. JustBeingMEE JustBeingMEE
    posted a quote
    November 2, 2013 4:52pm UTC
    why do tv shows blur out the middle finger? like whats behind that? is it an umbrella? an elephant?

  8. stealmyfoodandIwillstealyourface stealmyfoodandIwillstealyourface
    posted a quote
    November 2, 2013 11:45am UTC
    digatisdi:
    When I was in preschool there was this really weird system of time-out where they’d put you in this giant plastic bucket with rope handles at the sides.
    The rule was you couldn’t leave the bucket for ten minutes.
    I was what the teachers referred to as a “difficult child” which is code for “walking entity of sass”, so I was in the time-out bucket quite a lot.
    Once they put me in the bucket for thirty minutes – and I thought that was extremely unfair so I grabbed the handles and shifted my body repeatedly until the bucket and I were out the classroom, in the hallway, and through the front door. They found me in the parking lot scooting to freedom in the time-out bucket. The teachers were furious and I said,
    “Hey, I never left the bucket.”
    So they called my mum and told her what I did and she just said,
    “Well, he never left the bucket.”
    ( I saw this somewhere and thought it was brilliant, so I felt like sharing it with you guys c: )

  9. 伤* 伤*
    posted a quote
    October 25, 2013 3:55pm UTC
    i say “excuse me” but what i really mean is
    “why the hell are you and your friends standing in the
    middle of the hallway blocking everyone”

  10. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 24, 2013 2:12pm UTC
    my english teacher in 9th grade used to put prompts up for daily 5 minute writing warmups and one day the prompt was just the word “hippo” and i wrote a page long story in 5 minutes about an underground russian mafia that distributed hippo feces because they discovered that it had euphoric properties similar to marijuana it was like the new opium and rich people paid big money for it but it was illegal in every country and my teacher made me read it out loud to the class

  11. Ninja918 Ninja918
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2013 8:08pm UTC
    I wish I was one of those people who thrives on the danger of leading a double life.
    You know, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Hannah Montana....

  12. XxXjustsmileXxX XxXjustsmileXxX
    posted a quote
    October 18, 2013 4:13pm UTC
    People are so rude..
    You reach out under the bathroom stall to tie their shoe lace
    and they freak out instead of saying thanks.

  13. Cammie Cammie
    posted a quote
    October 16, 2013 4:02pm UTC
    Josh Peck always vines while driving
    I wouldn't be surprised if he ran over Oprah again.

  14. vanilla_shortcake vanilla_shortcake
    posted a quote
    October 11, 2013 2:36pm UTC
    At McDonalds last night this dude,
    gave me the wrong flavoured mcflurry,
    so i threw it back at him and yelled ,
    "You McF/cked up.
    format credit to: Jade672

  15. Bernicexoxo* Bernicexoxo*
    posted a quote
    September 25, 2013 10:04pm UTC
    There are 2 twins in my school and one of them is in my science class they decided to switch places one day and it was the day we had a test and 10 minutes after the test started he raised his hand and said, "sir I can't take this test because I am not Mark." and right after that a teacher came into the room with his brother and said, "you got my guy," and my science teacher said, "you got my guy," and then they switched kids and everyone acted like nothing happened.

  16. LettingSecretsGo LettingSecretsGo
    posted a quote
    September 21, 2013 9:20pm UTC
    I tasted happily ever after
    but it turned bitter on my tongue.

  17. bye* bye*
    posted a quote
    September 21, 2013 4:14pm UTC
    its been 12 years since shrek came out and im still having trouble coping with the fact that donkey f/cked a dragon

  18. Vic Fuentes* Vic Fuentes*
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2013 11:46pm UTC
    Got my grandma on speed dial
    Call that instagram

  19. Vic Fuentes* Vic Fuentes*
    posted a quote
    September 20, 2013 11:48pm UTC
    Spilled hot tea on my leg
    Call that T-Pain

  20. imperfect * imperfect *
    posted a quote
    August 30, 2013 6:43am UTC
    School: 2+2=4
    Homework: 2+4+2=8
    Exam: Omar has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early,
    calculate the mass of the sun.
    I mean....what? XD

:)

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