Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Dear anonymous, (you know who you are)
We haven't talked in over a month, and i know we wont be talking for a very long time, if ever.. There are so so so many things i could say to you right now, so many things. It would take forever to say it all, and id rather tell you face to face, but i know that wont happen, so here goes nothing... Let me just start by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything i did, and everything i didn't do, I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect for you. I'm sorry i did things you didn't like, and I'm sorry for hurting you. But mostly, I'm sorry for letting you walk away. I know i always said one day i would leave and not come back, but i don't think i ever would've really done that. So it makes me wonder if you're still waiting for me to come after you and say sorry. I doubt you want to even look at me though, truth be told, you probably hate me. There are a lot of things I'm not sorry for, a lot of things that i don't need to apologize for, but its crazy because i never think about those things. Truth is i think about you every day, and more than anything i miss our friendship, all the little things. In a way it was too good to be true, and i didn't deserve it, but at the same time we had our problems too... You once told me that if i ever found someone else you wouldn't be mad, because you just wanted me to be happy. That wasn't true, though, because when i finally found someone else who did make me happy, you weren't okay with it. It doesn't seem fair to me, because i never wanted to forget about you, i just wanted to have a best friend and a boy friend, but i guess you couldn't handle that. Enough about that, though, i just want you to know that at the end of the day, no matter what, if you ever needed me, id be there in a heartbeat. You promised you would never leave me, promised you would never be like all the others, but its funny how things change. I promised i would never give up on you, and believe it or not i kept my promise, i never gave up, and i never will. Remember how i always said i didn't want to become just another girl you used to love? Guess that changed, too. Its okay though, I'm learning to accept it, but I'm not okay with it. I wont ever be, and ill never stop thinking about you. I will never regret anything we had for a single minute because i know that what we had was the realest, most purest love any two people could ever hope to experience. Its something i wont ever forget. Please don't forget how much we loved each other, and how much i still love you. To the moon and back. Forever. <3
ILYWAMH,
Ashley